The great EXALT Massacre
Badasses attending: Mr. Gutsy(TANK AI), Wei Shen, Highway Robbery, Rigel Hernandez, Redshirt Charlie, Revolver Rookie, Heavy Weapons Guy
Covert Operative: TaliaWei Shen: This machine kills terrorists!
Highway Robbery: You can utter badass one liners later! Let's hurry up and kill those godamn EXALTs!
Revolver Rookie: Awaiting orders.
Mr. Gutsy: THIS UNIT IS READY TO KILL COMMIE BASTARDS.
Revolver Rookie: Battle scanner operational. EXALTs by the encoder.
*BEWM*
EXALT: Oh stuff! Its X-COM!
Another EXALT: X-COM is a bunch of puppets! Only seven of them and 21 of us!
A different EXALT: ZERG RUSH! KEKEEKEKEKEKE!
Redshirt Charlie: Kill the EXALT infidels! The voice of the Great Commandey One tells me to!
Rigel: The X-COM Commander's divine will compels me to knock some teeth out!
Mr. Gutsy: READY TO DIE FOR YOUR COUNTRY, YOU COMMIE SONS OF BITCHES?Revolver Rookie: Cold War already over. Please fix the SHIV when we get back to base.
Talia: Hacking!
Rigel: There they are! FIRE!
EXALT: BLAGH!
Some other EXALT: NO! BROTHER DOWN!
Third EXALT: ETHEREAL ACKBAR! ETHEREAL ACKBAR! EAT LEAD, INFIDELS!

EXALT: Need help capping this point!
Mr. Gutsy: COMING ALONE WAS YOUR BIGGEST MISTAKE, COMMUNIST!EXALT: I'm not alone! EXALT! ZERG RUSH!


Redshirt Charlie: More worshippers of a false god! Sacrifice them all to appease the Commander of X-COM!
Rigel: <Run and Gun Activated> Going in for the kill!
Talia: Moving to hack second Encoder! Cover me!
Highway Robbery: Cmon, you EXALT Insurgents! Hurry up so I can kill you all already!
Revolver Rookie: Lots of hostiles.
Wei Shen: The power of Squad Sight blesses us. We are out of effective range.
Heavy Weapons Guy: What's that, Sandvich? Kill them all?
Mr. Gutsy: ADMINISTERING POINT BLANK EUTHANASIA WITHOUT ANESTHESIA. COMMUNISTS DO NOT DESERVE PAINLESS EXECUTION.
Rigel: Gonna beat you like a red headed stepchild.....

EXALT: Silly X-COM! I know how to dodge bullets because I play Touhou!

EXALT: Look out, brothers! The snipers are firing again!
*BOOM NUTSHOT*EXALT 2: NO! I'M INFERTILE NOW!
EXALT 3: This is not your path, X-COM! You are not prepared for What Lies Ahead!
Revolver Rookie: Center of mass.
*BEWM*
EXALT 2: Tell my
wife....
She's a....
Whore..................................
EXALT: Not the critical hit to the face! IT BURNS!
Rigel: Set em up to knock em down.......
EXALT: NO! I know CQC! I played Metal Gear Solid 3!
Rigel: Let go of my gun!
*Sound effects: Intense fist fight*
MEANWHILE

EXALT: Fear not, brothers! I've dropped from the sky to provide overwatch!
Heavy Weapons Guy: Another easy kill!
Heavy Weapons Guy: 80% Chance To Hit and I miss? What is this BS?
Revolver Rookie: Random Number Generator in my favor tonight. He's down.

EXALT Medic: Christ, that..... Hurts....

EXALT Medic: God, that stings. Cmon, Fatal Wounds..... HEAL!
Heavy Weapons Guy: SHOOT THE MEDIC FIRST!

EXALT Medic: Holy crap, I'm dead!
Wei Shen: More point and click. Except with heads exploding when you click.

EXALT: Who's the idiot that made our guns use Always On DRM? Has the EXALT Quartermaster learned nothing from loving Microsof--- AAAAGH I'M SHOT!
Talia: Encoder hacked again. EXALT Communications down. Proceeding to finish off last hostile!
Talia: Job well done. Let's go home.

Needless to say, this operation went really smoothly. All the troops came home alive today.


Talia became even better at watching our flanks and guarding against ambushes.


Redshirt Charlie was a natural when it came to throwing grenades, since he loved to play Baseball.


handicap Convention got promoted to Officer. Things were running smoothly for X-COM.
Next Update: Tonight Someone DiesThings X-COM Operatives Are Not Allowed To Do, a list from Reddit and Space Battles119. Personnel are to stop worshipping the Commander as if he were some god of war. Please refer to him as 'Commander' or 'Sir'. Not as 'Master Commander', 'the Man with the Plan' or 'the Great Commandy One'.
119a. Operatives claiming to hear the Commander's divine will are to be reminded that they have all received subdermal radio implants during their first week of induction at X-COM.
119ai. Similarly, Operatives are to be reminded that increased accuracy is more likely the result of the improved barrel linings and plasma confinement electromagnetic arrays than 'the Blessing of the Great Commandy One'.
119b. Despite the increased enthusiasm,
Operatives are to stop referring to EXALT Insurgents as 'heretics', 'infidels' or 'worshippers of a false god'. You should be aware of the irony of that last statement.119c. Even if he were a god of war, attempting 'appeasement sacrifices' of half a dozen women sneaking into his room is not appreciated.
119ci. Even if they were all volunteers.
119cii. Even if the brunettes all dressed up like Dr. Vahlen sans turtle neck (or only in the turtleneck).
119ciii.Even if the second group found out how to make Carapace Armor 'look so lovey it should be illegal'.