Let's Play X-COM Long War

[Kochieboy]

>swarming

In other words, the entire alien force at once

[Ad Bot]

[tber123]

wtf why are you building a skeleton key when you're still having to send rookie medics on covert ops

Sending rookies on Covert Ops has worked well so far, since most of the Extraction missions are "Hack the encoder and get the forget out before EXALT zerg rushes you".

Tentacles, Mutons, and Mechs
Spoiler alert: Everyone gets horribly massacred by a bunch of godamn seekers.

Commanding Officer: Talia. Redshirts attending: 1. God save the Redshirts.



Talia: Standard "Shoot Everything That Moves" mission. Move out.
Sniopeh GoodJob: Does that include you? Just kidding.
Bump Buttinski: Drinks are on me once we get back alive.
Nick Walter: Do you not realize what you just said, Bump?
Bump Buttinski: Huh?
Nick Walter: In the movies, the guy who says that always dies!
Blart "Mall Cop" Launcher: Safety never takes a holiday.
George Bush: THOSE DAMN TERRORISTS WON'T GET AWAY FROM ME NOW.
Godamn Terrorist:......................


Talia: Drones spotted. Easy.

>swarming

In other words, the entire alien force at once

Nick Walter: Holy crap, I thought the alien activity was "Swarming"?
George Bush: DO NOT BE FOOLED, BOY! TERROR AWAITS AROUND THE CORNER!


Bump Buttinski: Help me, friends! This gun is weak!


Talia: Softening up the target.


Godamn Terrorist: Scratch one more!


Nick Walter: This laser shotgun is weaksauce! What the heck?


George Bush: THE DURABILITY OF THESE "WEAK" DRONES STRETCHES CREDIBILITY.



Sniopeh GoodJob: Time to shoot some eyes out!



Blart "Mall Cop" Launcher: Always bet on Blart.



Redshirt 1: Holy crap, I got one? Does this mean I get promoted now? I'm really looking forward to getting promoted and kicking all kinds of ass like you guys are!



Bump Buttinski: You hear that, comrades? Its the sound of MELD!



George Bush: INCOMING MUTONS.



Sniopeh GoodJob: BOOM! Right between the eyes!



Talia: Battle Scanner is operational. Muton Berserkers spotted!



Nick Walter: Seekers incoming! Help!



Godamn Terrorist: Theres more.
Blart "Mall Cop" Launcher: Nobody knows this gun better than I do.



Nick Walter: Oh my god! That Berserker can regenerate!



Talia: Mutons present a greater threat than the Seekers.
Nick Walter: They're going to use those tentacles to violate me! Help!
Bump Buttinski: Have no fear! Bump Buttinski is here to prevent loveual assault!



George Bush: I LOVE THE SMELL OF ROASTED ALIEN TERRORISTS IN THE MORNING. LETS HAVE A BBQ.



Godamn Terrorist: Good riddance.



Talia: No longer a threat!



Nick Walter: Berserker is down! Now kill the Seekers!



Blart "Mall Cop" Launcher: Can't do that!



Nick Walter: BLAAARRRGH!



Nick Walter: IT BURNS! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!



Nick Walter: HELP ME GODAM---



Redshirt 1: NO! NOOOOOOOO!



Redshirt 1: Bastards!

2 dead Seekers later



Bump Buttinski: The last one is on the roof! I will avenge Nick Walter!



*BAMBAMBAM* *PWYEOOM*

Sniopeh GoodJob: That the last of them? Doesn't feel like it. Let's keep searching!



(Holy stuff, its classic X-COM!)

Sniopeh GoodJob: What do we have here?



George Bush: I HEARD SOMETHING OVER HERE. ITS TIME TO KICK THEIR ASSES BACK TO MEXICO.



Redshirt 1: Time to say goodbye!



Blart "Mall Cop" Launcher: Here goes!



Blart "Mall Cop" Launcher: Aw.



Bump Buttinski: You son of a bitch!



(This game is a great game, but the Line Of Sight is forgeted up. Neither George Bush nor Bump Buttinski could see this Seeker.)



Blart "Mall Cop" Launcher: Help is on the way!



It seems that the aliens are becoming more resistant to our weaponry. What should have been another easy mission quickly turns fatal. X-COM soldiers are starting to die more and more often, and it is disturbing.

[Kochieboy]

Poor bump butts, a russian hero in my books ;-;

[Rigel]

Poor bump butts, a russian hero in my books ;-;

Hey, he now has the gruesome scars to show that he's a hero! Both mental and physical!

[Kochieboy]

Hey, he now has the gruesome scars to show that he's a hero! Both mental and physical!

You see Bush, when you have wounds like me, you neuver have to worry about honor or glory, because you'll forever be vegetable and people have to give you sympathy and praise anyways.

[tber123]

The Great Massacre, part 1

Everyone, meet our newest recruit. We did some favors for the guys in Argentina and they rewarded us a new recruit. What the hell do we rename her to?



That floater better prepare it's star fish.



Time for an Autopsy. It didn't survive.



Van Doorn is out of action for almost a full month due to genemodding.



Sniopeh GoodJob can't become more badass because we haven't interrogated any psionics.



Time to rescue Cirno from the EGGSALT EXALT menace.



handicap Convention: Godamn. Look at all these EXALT corpses. Was this the work of our covert operative?
Wei Shen: Seems that she had to kill a few of them in CQC after her cover was blown at the last second.



RASL: I SEE ONE, BUT IT DOES NOT SEE ME. BOOM.



EGGSALT Operative: My brothers! The X-COM Infidels have arrived to slaughter us! Help!



EXALT: We will purge the X-COM Filth from this world!



EXALT Operative: Stop dodging, X-COM scum! I am cleansing your corrupted soul with lead!



EXALT 2: Move up! Move up! MOVE UP!



RASL: ALIEN SYMPATHIZING SCUM!
George Bush: NOW LOADING KICK-ASS.EXE!

Next Update: The Great Massacre, Part 2

[Dreams_Of_Cheese]

PREPARING PROJECT DOORN

[tber123]

The Great Massacre, Part 2

Cirno: I'm the smartest one here! I'll hack the encoder!



George Bush: BURN, starfish, BURN!



handicap Convention: God bless shotguns.



EXALT: X-COM infidel, my flesh is stronger than your steel!



EXALT Wimp: Help me, brothers! The X-COM Death Machine is glaring!



EXALT Wimp: OH SHI---



*THOOM*



Another EXALT: We need backup, ASAP! Get your asses over here and help us kill the false worshippers!



EXALT: Roger that!



EXALT Medic: SURPRISE AIRDROP!



Cirno: The last encoder! I'm the best around, and nothings ever gonna keep me down!



EXALT Medic: You know you won't win, X-COM Scum. The Great Ethereal will defeat you! You cannot escape Humanity's enslavement! All you are doing is delaying the inevitible!
handicap Convention: Thats a load of bull.



*PCHEWM*



George Bush: ITS GETTING HOT IN HERE.



EXALT: BLAAAARRRGGGH!
Wei Shen: Kill confirmed.



RASL:ANY LAST WORDS?
EXALT Sniper: Go forget yoursel---



EXALT: The X-COMs are winning this fight! We cannot lose, brothers! HELP!



EXALT: COME ON! I WON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!



EXALT: There she is! Don't let her hack the encoder!
Different EXALT: Where do you think you're going, missy?



Wei Shen: Another one down! Cirno, how's the progress on the hacking?
Cirno: ............................. .................
Wei Shen: Cirno?



Cirno: I'm fine! Just ran into some pests!



George Bush: THEIR NUMBERS ARE THINNING. THIS IS TOO EASY.



Doomed EXALT: Sweet Jesus on a pogo---



*CHOOM* *CHK CHK* *THOOM*



Wei Shen: Your life ends here.



Fun fact: These pigeons are pretty chill. They give zero stuffs about all the gunfire and just stare at the MEC.

[Rigel]

http://strawpoll.me/4711327/r

[Nicepoint]

Exalt scum shall be destroyed, eventually....

[tber123]

Subway Terror

Oh stuff.



Random Civilian: NO! P-PLEASE! NOOO----
*CHOOM* CHOOM* CHOOM*
George Bush: ALIEN ACTIVITY NEARBY.
Pyro Rookie: Lucky for me, I brought a laser sniper.
F3D: Another alien massacre coming up.
Godamn Terrorist: Ready to roll.
Wilson(Controlling CAPITALIST-1): Its time for my precious SHIV to steal all the kills again.
Sniopeh GoodJob: By the time we're done, there won't be enough of the aliens to bury!
Wei Shen: Time to explode some heads.



Wilson: There you are! I can take you on!



Pyro Rookie: Here we go!






Civilian: No! Stay back! I don't w---
*CHOOM*
Civilian: AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIE!



Sniopeh GoodJob: Muton Berserkers? Easy kill. Now hold still....



Zhang: Lights out.



Wilson: Any more of those bastards?
Pyro Rookie: Nope!
F3D: If there were any more in the immediate area, I would have killed them already.



Civilian: Holy stuff, its a godamn purple spidAAAAGH
*SPLORT*
Wilson: CHRYSSALIDS.
George Bush: THIS IS WHY I BROUGHT A FLAMETHROWER.



Zhang: And so it begins.



George Bush: THESE ILLEGAL ALIENS WON'T STOP DODGING.



Wei Shen: This one's mine.



George Bush: LUCK. RUNS. OUT.



Zhang: Ready for some fireworks?



Civilian: Good lord! Bless you, sir!



Wei Shen: Floaters. This will be easy.



Pyro Rookie: Didn't even break a sweat.
Wilson: These dumbass aliens should just lay down and wait for us to kill them. It'll be faster.



Wilson: Did that Berserker just jump up a godamn train?
Godamn Terrorist: Oh boy.
Sniopeh GoodJob: That just made it easier for me to shoot him.
Panicked Civilian: GOD HELP ME! ALIEN WITCHCRAFT!



Panicked Civilian: Jesus loving Christ! The humans also have witchcraft!



George Bush: ALIEN SCUM.



Sniopeh GoodJob: Down for the count.



Civilian: BLARGH!



Wei Shen: Another degenerate purged from the Earth.



Sniopeh GoodJob: Another perfectly barbequed Floater. Speaking of BBQ.....



Next update: An Egyptian Chinatown
(Don't ask why, but the next battle takes place in the "Friends in Low Places" map you have to rescue Zhang from in the Slingshot campaign.)

[Nicepoint]

Damnit, why isn't my character trough with the psi-training yet.

[tber123]

An Egyptian Chinatown
AKA Rocket Spam Festival/All Rocketeers On Deck

Wilson: Great. Just great. Command decides to send a bunch of Rocketeers and no MECs or SHIVs. We're forgeted, aren't we?
Blart "Mall Cop" Launcher: You should always bet on Blart, you know.
Warrison "Protile" Carter: These are enough rockets to kill everything.
ANIMU WEEABOO: I wish I was a MEC.
Annette Durand: Less talking, more alien massacring!
Dreams of Cheese: Isn't this the same place where we rescued that "Zhang" guy?



ANIMU WEEABOO: A tree with Cherry Blossoms? This is just like one of my Animes! Theres always cherry blossoms in Anime!
Wilson: And tentacles, probably.
ANIMU WEEABOO: What was that?



Wilson: Damn it, Weeaboo!
ANIMU WEEABOO: Oh stuff.
Annette Durand: The bastards had the foresight to cluster together! Let's wipe them out in one blow!
Dozer: They could also do the same.
Blart "Mall Cop" Launcher: I'll meet you at the corner of "Ne" and "Ver"!



*BOOM* *BOOM*



Wilson: Good Ol' Sawn-Off Shotguns. They've never failed me.



*ROCKET SPAM*



Annette Durand: Smoke out! Don't you guys die on me just yet!



Protile: Look out! Floaters all on Overwatch!



*BEWM*

Redshirt: OW!



Redshirt: I'll give you an eye for an eye, you roostersucker!



Dozer: Lighting them up like the fourth of July.



Dozer: HRK!



Annette Durand: Let there be light, you bastards!



Wilson: Ohgod Tentacles----




Dozer: HNNNNNNNNNG!



Dreams Of Cheese: Damn it! Can't we go a single mission without someone dying?



Protile: Woah!



Annette Durand: I hope you're suffering!



Blart "Mall Cop" Launcher: Another one down.



ANIMU "WAI WAIFU" WEEABOO: We're wearing them down! Keep firing!


Annette Durand calmly enjoying one last smoke before getting on the Skyranger

This update isn't as great. Wasn't too motivated when it came to the character dialogue and a lot of the screenshots I took didn't make it.

[tber123]

I don't know why I even bother updating anymore.

This mission went pretty well.

[Dreams_Of_Cheese]

man if you aren't having fun with this anymore feel free to stop