I have the diagnosis, stand back. The fact is that your umbilical cord is re-growing itself. A long skinny tube full of blood vessels is going to elongate from your abdomen as it starts the long journey to find its first host -- your mother. It will continue growing as pheromones from your mother attract the cells as they continue to reproduce and grow. She will try to run, but resistance is futile. It will find her. She'll wake up one morning to find that you and her are attached again. You will suddenly lose the urge to eat and drink, because all the nutrients are coming from her body. You will receive her blood and her oxygen. The two of you will be sharing necessities forever.
But that's not the end of it.
Just wait until the umbilical cord starts contracting. As the days go on, it will get shorter. You will be yanked closer and closer together. Pretty soon, you will re-enter your mother just the way you exited her on your very first birthday. She will become pregnant with you again. You will grow smaller and smaller. Your lungs will become useless again. Your arms and legs will shrivel up. Your neck will disappear as your head attaches to your torso and tucks into your chest. Your organs will become dysfunctional and disappear altogether. And eventually, you will be tinier than a flea. Each individual cell will die off until just two remain. They will separate and die.
You will no longer exist.
Trust me, I'm a doctor.
jeez I could sell this as an awesome horror movie
