[NEW POLL] Cross Country Run [Catch a bus?]

[Frequency]

You ask if you can use the bathroom and the desk clerk directs you towards it. It's a single restroom with a door that locks. You unleash a log into the toilet, which folds up blocking the drain. Clearly not enough, you repeatedly flush the toilet causing brown water to flood the entire bathroom.

You then unroll the toilet paper on the floor and release the rest of your goods onto it. You fold the toilet paper over it to conceal it and carry the package out of the bathroom. You nod at the clerk as you walk towards the door. When he looks away, you open your package and hurl it on the big glass doors and smear it all over the glass like some sort of demented monkey.

The clerk sees you and dashes out from behind the desk. By now however, the flooded bathroom has infiltrated the lobby and the clerk slides in the sewage before hitting his head on a table losing consciousness. When he comes around, you're gone.

this is among the funniest things I've ever read

[Ad Bot]

[blockguy™]

The East-Coast stuff Smearer is at it again

[Refticus]

make a pepe mask from a sheet of paper and a pencil

[}]Crazy[{]

look for this plant

if you chew on the stems alot,
it will clean your teath from plaque and germs

[Swat 3]

Use toothpaste with toothbrush, spit off the roof. Then use mouthwash. Spit off roof.

[XR-7]

go to a grocery store and buy two bags of sunflower seeds, a head of lettuce, a rotisserie chicken, a bottle of the hottest sauce you can find, some salt and some olive oil. all of the ingredients you could need for a freak beast monster stuff

leave and proceed to eat everything but salt and olive oil, then begin your trip to philly. once we find the pope we will chug the olive oil and salt

You obtain such food for $18.23. You eat everything except the olive oil and the salt.

Do Taxi rides require an adult? I was thinking we catch a taxi to Philadelphia.

Nope, taxi rides are fine but they're expensive. RideGuru says that an average taxi will do it for $309.20, but we don't have that much.

make a pepe mask from a sheet of paper and a pencil

You tear off a piece of paper and draw a pepe mask. You don't have any way to hold it onto your face though other than your hand.

look for this plant

if you chew on the stems alot,
it will clean your teath from plaque and germs

Not a bad idea but that looks like a desert plant, which I'm assuming can't be found randomly growing in New York City.

Use toothpaste with toothbrush, spit off the roof. Then use mouthwash. Spit off roof.

You brush your teeth and use mouthwash. You actually succeed in spitting onto a woman's head. She screams and runs away while you laugh.

Status:

Location: New York, NY (Times Square)
Time: 8:57am ET Friday
Temperature: 55°F
Stamina: Well rested
Hunger: Stuffed
Local Heat (your apparent wanted level in a given area): Moderate
*You are wanted for evading the custody of your uncle, who lives in Cambridge, MA.
*You are wanted for armed robbery and indecent exposure in Somerville, MA.
*You are wanted for vandalism in New York, NY.

You are in Times Square. You've eaten and cleaned your mouth. You're thinking about going to Philadelphia.

Hygiene:

Shower status: Average
Amenities status (deodorant, body spray, cologne): Average
Mouth status: Excellent
Clothing Status: Decent, should be washed soon

Colon contents: Poop of the Century WIP (6 hours left)

Items:

One set of clothing on your back (sweater, shirt, jeans, underwear, socks, shoes)
Your old clothes
Heelys
Football Gloves
Ultra Sock
Backpack
Sleeping bag
Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Mouthwash
Atlas
Pen
Pad of paper
Pepe mask
1 full box of junior mints
1 box of junior mints missing one mint
1 bottle of Coca-Cola
Gatorade
Olive oil
Salt
$25 Texas Roadhouse gift card (Amount unknown)
Gum
$159.97
An old photo of you and your mom
An old photo of your mom taken by your dad in the hospital when you were born
An old photo of your mom with the safe, reading "Rico, plot 2270"
iPhone 6 (19% battery)
iPhone charger
An old basic flip phone, not useful for anything except phone calls (78% battery)
Phone charger (for your flip phone)
Bowie knife
Scissors
Pepper spray
Small piece of wire
Claw hammer
Flathead screwdriver
Flashlight
Your mom's locked combination safe

*Blue indicates edible materials for replenishing hunger and/or stamina.

[Refticus]

read the newspaper to see if your monumentous stuff was taken up by journalists

then we head to philly

[Frequency]

before you do that, jack off while you're on the roof and see if you can hit someone on the street with your white ink

[Skuras]

Buy a disguise with a fake beard and steal a car. But don't do anything illegal or you will be pulled over and the cops will see that you have no license

[Space1255]

Pickpocket people.

[blockguy™]

look for this plant

if you chew on the stems alot,
it will clean your teath from plaque and germs

is that khat

no nevermind it's arak

[XR-7]

before you do that, jack off while you're on the roof and see if you can hit someone on the street with your white ink

You pack up your sleeping bag and the stuff you used. Before leaving, you fire your biological weaponry onto the innocent bystanders below. You miss the sidewalk though. It falls into the bumper to bumper traffic and lands on the windshield of a taxi. The driver turns on the wipers thinking it's pigeon poop and the wipers get stuck on the windshield.

read the newspaper to see if your monumentous stuff was taken up by journalists

then we head to philly

You find a newspaper stand and grab a newsaper. You skim through the pages hoping to have made it, but then you realize that your escapade took place only late last night so no one could've made anything yet.

and steal a car. But don't do anything illegal

Pickpocket people.

You wander into the scattered mass of humans on the sidewalk and kinda randomly bump into people swiping wallets from back pockets, which you stuff into your backpack. You target one man in a navy blue suit, but when you try to grab his wallet, he grabs your hand.

"POLICE!" he yells.

Several people stop and gawk. A foot officer across the street quickly begins to maneuver through the cars towards you.

Status:

Location: New York, NY (Times Square)
Time: 9:27am ET Friday
Temperature: 57°F
Stamina: Well rested
Hunger: Stuffed
Local Heat (your apparent wanted level in a given area): Moderate
*You are wanted for evading the custody of your uncle, who lives in Cambridge, MA.
*You are wanted for armed robbery and indecent exposure in Somerville, MA.
*You are wanted for vandalism and attempted thievery in New York, NY.

You are in Times Square and have just been caught redhanded trying to pickpocket someone. A police officer is approaching quickly and the victim is restraining you.

Hygiene:

Shower status: Average
Amenities status (deodorant, body spray, cologne): Average
Mouth status: Excellent
Clothing Status: Decent, should be washed soon

Colon contents: Poop of the Century WIP (6 hours left)

Items:

One set of clothing on your back (sweater, shirt, jeans, underwear, socks, shoes)
5 wallets stolen from Times Square pedestrians
Your old clothes
Heelys
Football Gloves
Ultra Sock
Backpack
Sleeping bag
Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Mouthwash
Atlas
Pen
Pad of paper
Pepe mask
1 full box of junior mints
1 box of junior mints missing one mint
1 bottle of Coca-Cola
Gatorade
Olive oil
Salt
$25 Texas Roadhouse gift card (Amount unknown)
Gum
$159.97
An old photo of you and your mom
An old photo of your mom taken by your dad in the hospital when you were born
An old photo of your mom with the safe, reading "Rico, plot 2270"
iPhone 6 (19% battery)
iPhone charger
An old basic flip phone, not useful for anything except phone calls (78% battery)
Phone charger (for your flip phone)
Bowie knife
Scissors
Pepper spray
Small piece of wire
Claw hammer
Flathead screwdriver
Flashlight
Your mom's locked combination safe

*Blue indicates edible materials for replenishing hunger and/or stamina.

[tber123]

Well stuff. Can't get caught since our uncle will know where we are. Break free and sprint through the crowd.

[Alyx Vance]

Bite his hand and run using parkour skills you learned earlier.

[blockguy™]

RUN YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH RUN