> EAT THE LETTERS AGAINYou eat the letters again. You get fired again. You get fired out of a cannon again. You get fired out of a cannon into the stratosphere again. You lose the game again. You're probably going to eat the letters again and again. I'll see you again.
*** You have been fired. GAME OVER. ***
Third time eating the letters must be the charm, maybe? Reloading autosave...> SHOOT A GUN INTO THE AIR TO GRAB THE GUARDS ATTENTIONWhipping out your trusty ZTK-501 Plasma Rifle, you shoot it straight into the air. The security guard doesn't even notice, and continues reading her novel. She didn't even hear the plasma rifle firing due to how loud her headphones were.> SNIFF EVEN HARDERYou sniff harder. You get head pain and the smell of all the lovely flowers near the retirement home.> SNIFF HARD ENOUGH TO ABSORB THE EARTHS ATMOSPHEREThat's not even possible for a regular, puny earthling like you, though. You can still sniff harder than hard, though. Do that instead?> YESYou sniff harder than the harder sniff you did previously. You feel a sharp pain go up your nose into your head once again because you were sniffing too hard.> CALL CABYou call the number of a local taxicab company operating in Dangernon. All you get is a bunch of static and a garbled voice on the other end of the line whispering something about "loving fruitcakes". Soon after, a loud, sharp noise rings out, and then the line goes dead.> FOLD LETTERS INTO PAPER AIRPLANESYou expertly fold the letters you were supposed to deliver into paper F-16's. These babies will fly extra far AND look cool! Say, that gives you an idea...> ATTACH POST-IT NOTES WITH HAPPY FACES ONTO THE PLANESYou don't have post-it notes.> DIG AROUND IN THE CAR FOR POST-IT NOTESYou find post-it notes.> ATTACH POST-IT NOTES WITH HAPPY FACES ONTO THE PLANESDone.> THROW THE LETTER PLANES THROUGH ANY OPEN WINDOW WITH OLD LADIES BEHIND THEMUtilizing your expert paper airplane throwing skills from your days in elementary school, you successfully send paper letter plane after paper letter plane into an open window on the third story with an old lady behind it. The paper planes bounce off the old lady and come crashing down to the ground below, right outside the front door of the retirement home. Which is past the gate that the security guard is guarding. The same gate that you can't get past because the security guard is too occupied by her music and her novel.
The old lady that had the misfortune to be assaulted by several paper planes hitting her in a row yells out "Goddamn whippersnapper! No respect for your elders!" before slamming her window shut and closing the curtains. Good thing she's too far away to notice the fact that everyone in your party is visibly packing heat, though. She would have freaked out and called the National Guard or something, and then you would have to murder them all in self defense.> _
As a reminder, your party contains the M60-toting manager of the Roboloveual Wrangler, the man with a red baseball cap who packs a improvised flamethrower, the overweight guy with a revolver-style grenade launcher, a geek known as Jimmy with a weird headset, and Jimmy's drone that looks like a mishmash of a tank and a spider.
Your inventory contains a silver, expandable entrepreneur staff, M79 Grenade Launcher, RPG-7, ZTK-501 Plasma Rifle, phone, hammer, some string, a magnet, a magazine called The Manly Man's Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse, a movie poster for BRUTALITY, an article about Protagonist Syndrome, a wallet with several hundred dollars, and a nuclear authentication disk.
You are wearing regular civilian clothes that make you look like an average guy, a Rolex watch, and a gas mask.
You are healthy and uninjured.
>
Poll