This time I'd have nothing to say in the pre-update comment, but this happened:
wHY? IT WWAS COMPELEETTLY LEGITITMSTE!!!! I JUST ROLLLED A DICE AND IT SAID 9769345!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I never thought I would see a personification of cancer in life, but there it is.
Player Actions
Twix
2
The time has come! You load a shell into the barrel. It was a bit tough loading the shell for some reason, but it's in nonetheless. You point the barrel toward the mega tank and fire! Ow. You shot your face. It appears you placed the barrel backwards. You will have fixed the barrel by the time you do your next action, but until then, your tank is hit.
JamesH
3
You order some power armor for you and the crusaders. Before the operator at the other side of the line responds...
Frederick the Crusader: ...Power armor? Is that one of your modern inventions? Dear me, I beg your pardon, but-Jack the Crusader: We don't quite trust your technological thingamajigies, so we'll have to pass.Frederick the Crusader: Yes, that was what I was about to say.
...In other words, the Crusaders refuse to make use of modern technology. Maybe if they had something strong yet old-timey, you know? It also appears you can't get a good signal for the operator to understand any of your words at the time, so you hang up.
NotBomberguy
5
You are become Death, destroyer of worlds. This lasts for two turns, and allows you to do special moves that deal potentially more damage and cannot roll under 2 so, go get'em!
Redconer
1
You go up to the tank and fire an anti-tank round from your anti-tank rifle. You explode into giblets for some reason. But why? Probably because you went up to the tank. Kablammo, or something. I don't have a lot of inspiration on 2:20 AM.
Rabbot32
Landed heads
Death is always keeping an eye on you. So you punch it, and run. Death gets stunned long enough for you to escape his wrath. Welcome back!
DELL
Landed tails
After Rabbot32 escapes, you tell Death to look at those free souls over there. He doesn't buy as he had been sucked in a few moments ago, and you aren't fast enough to escape before his eye heals either.
Ally Actions
Bastion
3
Bastion fires with his turret and deals a satisfying zero damage, having missed every shot somehow.
Jack the Crusader:
5
Jack is pretty lucky with his rolls! He charges the tank once more, but this time more expertly. inflicting 100 damage!
Frederick the Crusader
1
On the other side of the spectrum, Frederick is having bad luck with his rolls. He charged toward the tank, tripped on the same rock he tripped on previously, lost grip of his sword, fell flat on his face, and then got stabbed by his own sword after it fell. This inflicted two damage, but Frederick's time hasn't come yet.
Miscellaneous Events
It appears JamesH's pair of energy swords has arrived! He gives them the-
Frederick the Crusader: *sighs* Dear boy. We already told you we don't like this new age stuff, yet you've already ordered this?!Jack the Crusader: Hey now! This one looks kinda cool? Why not give them a test run later? Then we'll keep those.Frederick the Crusader: Okay, fine. But only those. Nothing more.
...energy swords, so that they may use those instead of their olde-timey authentic blades. Hopefully the swords do their job well enough for those two.
Mega Tank
Holy hell. This tank is complete with 2 miniguns, 2 5x rocket launchers, and an 80mm cannon. What, overkill?
Intel suggests this is a weaker model of it. Either way, prepare for an ass kicking.
Machine guns attack every 2 turns, dealing 1 damage to 2 people.
Rockets fire every 3 turns, dealing 2 damage to 2 people and 1 damage to 2 others.
Cannon fires every 4 turns, instakilling a target.
HP: 771/1000 Armor: 0/750
The tank launches a deadly barrage of rockets, landing two on each of Bastion and JamesH, dealing two damage to each. MicroEDGE and NotBomberguy also recieve some damage thanks to the intelligence of the fifth rocket, exploding in the middle of the two of them. Tough luck, MicroEDGE.
Player List
Twix: 3/3 (Currently inside the Heavy Tank)
TableSalt: 3/3
Redconer: shot anti-tank rifle real close
ZeUberMedic: machine gunned down
Space1255: 3/3
Rabbot32: 3/3
SubDaWoofer: 2/3
cromartini: Bad coincidence. Lethal explosion.
CRITAWAKETS: 3/3
NotBomberGuy: 2/3 (Is become Death, destroyer of worlds. 2 turns remaining.)
MicroEDGE: smart rocketed
DELL: Ran at a commando in a straight line. You fill in the rest.
shinyarceus4: protagonist of a shaggy dog story
JamesH: 1/3
dcseal: 2/3
Ally List
Autonomous
Bastion: 6/8
Jack the Crusader: 3/3
Frederick the Crusader: 1/3
Manual
Heavy Tank: 3/5 (Controlled by Twix)
Processes
Loading Data to Memory: Completes in one turn.
Poll