I'd gladly give up some of my individuality for a great partner. Better to celebrate your successes with someone you love than nobody at all. If you are in a reasonable relationship you still keep your mind but have an awesome friend you can also have love with. It's a win-win. Being in a toxic relationship is very unhealthy and a lot of people don't have fulfilling relationships but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try - it could make the reward so much better when you finally find someone that works beautifully with you. Take it slow and you can leap out of a bad relationship before it starts bringing you down.
t. me 3 years ago
People don't get into bad relationships. They get into good relationships that unexpectedly turn bad/toxic months, sometimes years down the line, because they got into it expecting an awesome friend they can have love with instead of a heavy commitment and a complicated responsibility. (Long-term) relationships aren't a hobby, what you're hyping up to OP here is dangerous IMO. Yes, they are fun, but when they end they can bring about devastating emotional consequences and leave you with significant voids. You have to be prepared for that.
OP is entirely within reason to be weary, especially given his state a while back. Which I do actually wanna talk about: (And keep in mind that I'm not trying to be le epic advice love guru, I'm talking from my personal experience here)
Probably has a bit to do with my mental state too (and if anyone is wondering, its improved since last post. Thanks for your support and advice <3)
Not trying to stuff on you here, but in the last thread you asked for advice you said you wanted to commit Self Delete on your 21st birthday. That speaks to me especially now, because when I was 18 I met somebody that convinced me they could solve problems in my life, and for a while they did, but when it ended, I spiraled pretty hard which resulted in some really poor/dangerous behavior around my 21st birthday. It could happen to you too. Nobody wants that, so I recommend you take some time to seriously evaluate whether or not your mental state has actually improved or if it just
seems like it's improved because it's being elevated by the excitement of a new relationship.
That phase will wear off eventually, and will give potential mental issues an opportunity to take front seat again, and believe me, nothing destroys relationships faster than a poor mental state, especially clinical depression. Take promises of unconditional support at the beginning of your relationship with a pinch of salt lol. It's easy for someone to promise you that they'll be there for you when you need them. It's significantly harder to actually do it when the time comes.
Personally my actual advice on whether or not you should enter this relationship would be to spend 30 days at minimum seriously focused on your mental state from an objective standpoint before getting involved in anything serious. Look ahead 2-3 years in the future and think strongly about whether or not you can make the relationship last that long, think about it cynically to offset an obvious instinctual bias. If you're even remotely unsure, consider keeping it casual. I'm not trying to stuff on your parade or discourage you from exciting fun new things. If I was in your shoes I'd probably dive in for it lmfao. But everybody is going to tell you that relationships are totally epic and freaking cool, you don't need me to tell you that. I'm offering to you advice I wish people offered me.
