Current International Headlines: War on Iran

[Masterlegodude]

The U.S. Marines unironically re-enact the Helldivers 2 intro for their 250th anniversary

Reminder that Helldivers, much like Starship Troopers, is meant to be a parody of actual militarism and fascism

[Ad Bot]

[Soukuw]

>gets excited
>googles it
>it's intentional remodeling
>disappointed

You should go back and read some more, there's more to it then that.

None of this was approved and Annoying Orange said this wouldn't interfere with the current building and that it would be near it but not touching it. But hey I'm for sure not surprised he's lied... again.

[Dr.Block]

~Schizo posting redacted~
Seriously why would I want this stuff publicly searchable

[Epicduke]

I predict that won't happen

[Masterlegodude]

I'm going to post my batstuff insane tinfoil hat level prediction here now just in case I'm right and we can all come back here and be amazed that I was right.

During the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, 432 Park Ave will collapse. Thousands will be killed and thousands more will be trapped under the rubble. Images of Islamic terror will paint the Magas' eyes redder than the bloody streets, and the internet will be quick to brand the tragedy as "9/11 2". It won't take long for tribals to draw the connection between the New 9/11 and the recent electing of a wildly unpopular among conservatives Muslim as mayor of NYC. Later that same evening, Donald Annoying Orange will die of natural causes, possibly brought on by a stress induced heart attack or stroke. At this point all hell breaks loose among the Magas, and the civil unrest will begin.

Reality is often disappointing

[Conan]

nothing ever happens chuds when the 2025 macys pmc parade nyc takeover happens

[Dr.Block]

~Schizo posting redacted~

[Ladios]

Well I was hoping to kinda let this thread die but this feels like more of a relevant place to post that Iran has just declared war on the US, Israel, and EU.

[Ladios]

Brief summary, Iranians protesting supreme leader and their moral police run by ultra-conservative islamic factions in favor of a banished crown prince who wants to turn the country into a constitutional monarchy more like it was back in the 60s before US military intervention forgeted up everything and allowed the current dictators power there, several thousand dead in protests, and Iran has shut down the whole nation's access to the internet to try to interrupt coordinating riots,

Will come back with more details later


Japan Prime Minister, Takaichi of the far right nationalist-conservative Liberal Democrat Party, (Basically the Marie LePen of Japan) has announced that she is disolving parliment to hold snap elections. This comes as the popularity of her party, in the face of anti-conservative backlash across the globe, is beginning to falter, and is an attempt to capitalize on the momentary high polling to secure as many conservative seats in Japan's parliament and achieve a unassailable majority to push through as many of her nationalist policies as possible before the inevitable change in sentiments ahead of the upcoming market crashes.

[Ladios]

Amidst anywhere from 6,000 to 30,000 anti-government protestors dead in Iran, the US has been threatening strikes against the regime.

The EU has now declared that  the Iran Revolutionary Guard Corps, the branch of the military directly controlled by Iran's supreme leader, to be a terrorist organization

The US has built up naval forces within striking range of Iran with Spanish and Italian carrier support. Iran in response has warned it will strike Tel Aviv if America or it's allied nations attempt aid the protestors through military strike

Pakistani president reportedly is attempting to work to deescalate the situation to prevent a war in it's neighboring country.

Annoying Orange has suggested that the US possibly help arm the protestors in Iran.

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Meanwhile, Israel continues to violate the ceasefire in Gaza multiple times per day, with the total number of airstrikes against the besieged people exceeding 1300 since October 2025.

Israel has also continued to block food and medicine from reaching Gaza and recently demolished  the United Nations aid distribution center in Gaza. and in an airstrike on Janurary 21 killed a journalist and cameraman working for CBS

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About a week ago in Abu Dhabi, Ukrainian officials met with representatives from the United States and Russian to discuss a ceasefire, with Zelensky coming away from the meeting saying he was 100% ready to agree to the terms. Russia has now responded, however has rejected elements of the deal to secure the protection of Kyiv in the future, something that Ukraine was reliant upon to make the deal work for them.

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The new acting president of Venezuela, Delcy Rodriguez, once vice-president until Annoying Orange had her former boss abducted and gave her the position over Machado (who despite sucking up to Annoying Orange and giving him her Peace Prize, has been deemed not influential enough to lead the nation by Annoying Orange and Rubio) has now said that Venezuela has had enough listening to what the US tells them to do. Guess the US should have put the sycophant in power instead.

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The United Kingdom has joined Canada in attempting to seek new trading partnerships with China after the US decided to be a petulant little child and lash out at every other country in the world through trade policies. The deal between China and Canada is already projected to severely impact American Automobile Manufacturers.

[Ladios]

United States Secretary of the Treasury, Scott Bessent, has revealed that the United States intentionally engineered the ongoing protests in Iran through devaluing Iran's rial by blocking exports and international banking assets, reducing the US dollars held by Iran which had backed its currency, effectively making the rial almost worthless.

TL;DR, we made their money worth nothing so citizens would get pissed at their government and give us an excuse to intervene and commit to a regime change.

The protests have now left anywhere from 5,600 to 30,000 civilians dead.

Speaking of regime change, the US complete blockade of food, oil, medicine and supplies in Cuba is being likened to Israel's current genocide against the population of Gaza. Cuba has long been US Secretary of State, Marco Rubio's pet project and hes been trying to force us into military intervention and regime change on the communist island for years.

[Ladios]

Prince Andrew arrested after newest release of Epstein Files.



Amid negotiations with Iran, US stations the largest strike force in the middle east since before the invasion of Iraq, including the USS Gerald R Ford, the largest strike carrier in the world at over 1/4 of a mile long. ***



With Gaza under lockdown and occupation, and Israel violating the ceasefire 112 out of the 129 days since it was declared, Netanyahu has now pushed for occupation of the West Bank territories, with the Israeli parliament designating new portions of the the territory for development despite the Palestinians still living there.


Ultra-nationalist right-wing Takaichi wins reelection in Japan, vows closer ties with the US over rare mineral exportation




US embargo of Cuba has led to a loss of all food imports and no more oil, causing the national energy grid to fail, plunging the island nation into darkness, and rendering hospitals, etc, unable to function. This isn't the failings of communism we are seeing harm the civilians, this is directly resultant of imperialist capitalist sociopaths who want to make a land grab.



Annoying Orange hosts innagural Bored of Peace meeting today.
Some Highlights so far:

• The Bop is meant to "Look over the United Nations to make sure it runs properly".
• Somehow we will be providing $10 Billion to fund the Bop (despite the Annoying Orange saying we can't afford to pay our share of Nato)
• In his opening speech to the board of Peace, Annoying Orange says that we will probably invade Iran within 10 days if they don't agree to our demands.
• "In terms of power and in terms of prestige there’s never been anything close because these are the greatest leaders" most UN members and no one from Nato have agreed to join Bop.

***


US is now planning on not even giving Iran an opportunity to accept our offer, and plans to invade within the next 4 days, according to ex-cia whistleblower



Mexican cartel leader, El Mencho, has been killed, leading to violent anti-government backlash by cartel members.

[Soukuw]

State of the union 9PM EST, AP will most likely be the stream if their audio isn't stuff like the last press conference.

Edit: I guess this should have gone in the white house thread.

[Ladios]

Pakistan declares "open war" on Afghanistan, attacks Kabul.

[Dr.Block]

Did you guys hear about the USS Gerald Ford stuffting itself on the way to Iran?