Q: What's long and black?
A: The unemployment line.
Q: How many Jews can you fit in a car?
A: Two in the front, three in the back, and six million in the ash tray.
Q: What's the difference between car tires and mondays?
A: Car tires don't sing when you put them in chains.
Q: There's a canoe and a monday in a river, what's the difference between the two?
A: The canoe is floating.
Q: There's a dead dog in the road and a dead monday in the road, what's the difference between the two?
A: There's skid marks behind the dog.
A priest and a rabbi are at a party, the priest walks up to the rabbi and says "Shannon brought some delicious home-made ham. When are you finally going to lighten up and eat some pork?" the rabbi simply smiles and says "At your wedding."
A man dies and goes to heaven, behind Saint Peter's desk is a giant wall of one handed clocks with names under each; each one turning every once in a while. The man asks, "Hey, what are those clocks for?" Saint Peter says "These are lie clocks, every time you lie the hand moves." As the man looks upon this giant wall of clocks, he notices one is missing, "Hey," the man says, "Where is President Obama's clock?" Saint Peter answers, "Oh, Jesus is using it as a ceiling fan in his office."
Q: What's the difference between Batman and mondays?
A: Batman can go out at night without Robin.
