PART 1
Love it. Absolutely love it. But, if you know me at all, I am going to have to fix the grammatical errors in this.
A strange noise began quietly humming through the orb. It grew a bit louder and louder over time until a soft pulsating sound could clearly be heard from the orb. A voice suddenly spoke, words muffled I couldn’t understand. My heart paced. The voice, so soft, came from the orb. “You...”
The mysterious orb began to talk. “You are dreaming...”
“Am I?” I told the Orb.
“You are. What is dreaming?” The Orb asked.
“It is when you replay memories or ideas in your sleep.” I replied to it.
“Listen to me...”The Orb began as if it was ignoring what I just said. “I am the creator of the Universe, the one you humans would call ‘God’.”
“There is no God.” I told it. “Science has proved this many times.”
“You are ignorant. That was humanity’s test.” The Orb told me. “I sent messiahs down to you and some of you believed them. Religions started popping up each similar but different. Truth is none of them got it completely right.” The Orb explained. “Over time humanity was corrupted. ‘Science’ as you call it has taken over a lot of your minds. ‘Science’ was placed to test you. But too many believed it and now humanity is gone.” The Orb said.
“W... What?”I stuttered in disbelief. “What do you mean?”
“Dead, destroyed, disappeared.” The Orb explained. “They have all gone forever.”
“But this is a dream right?” I said “It can’t be true.”
“Yes, a dream. But what is the reality of a dream without science?” The Orb said.
“I...I don’t know.” I stuttered again. “Is... Is this true? The Orb began to fade away. “Is this true?!” I shouted into the darkness of my sub-conscious. The Orb was gone. Distress set over me as I tried to wake up. I floated there unable to awake.
Alright, well, I do say this is one of the coolest parts, it's just that you did the quotes incorrect.
As you can tell, your quotes were like this:
"Hi!" My friend said to me, as she walked by.
"Hello." I said back.
Et cetera, et cetera.
It should be like this:
"Hi," my friend said to me, as she walked by.
"Hello," I said back.
Again, et cetera.
As you can see, the rules of quotations are (and I will color green the ones you followed and red the ones you didn't):
- Enter each time a different character speaks.
- Introduce your characters when starting a conversation, but only once. If you have already introduced them there is no need to do it again, unless a third person enters the conversation.
- When you are using quotes in the sentence that introduces the characters, use commas inside the quotation, so it looks like this: "Hello," he said. As you can see, it is not: "Hello." He said. That is an important one. Keep in mind that you don't need a comma in one that does not introduce a character, e.g.: "Hello."
I will write a short paragraph for you so you can model it after mine. Bolded things are tips.
The phone rang. Jack walked over to it, only to find that the caller ID was blocked.
"Hello,"
'he said
'.
[The single-quoted things are what I like to call 'intro. phrases'. They will state emotion (sometimes) and the name of the person speaking.]A crackly voice responded on the other end. "We would like to sell you a product called
Insta-Rabies. It will fit all your rabies needs," it said.
"Look, I'm really not interested in buying anything right now."
[As you can see, not an introduction.]"But what if we give you one free bear and a mattress for only three extra dollars?"
"I said I don't want anything," Jack said, becoming annoyed.
[Emotion change--this will sometimes call for another intro. phrase.]"Okay," the man said sadly, and hung up.
[Action/emotion: action will also call for an intro. phrase. The action there is 'and hung up'.]
Hope that helped! I can convert that paragraph if you want.
Soon part two will be up.
Ta ta!
