Author Topic: PAINTBALLING-A PAINTBALL SHORT STORY  (Read 4890 times)

Fwoosh! I leaned against a bunker as a paintball turreted past my face. I imagined where the other paintball players were on the field. In my mind, it appeared that one of them was shooting at me from behind a barrel on the other side of the field. I finally decided it would be best to make a break for the inflatable fortress. I sprinted as fast as I could. Splat! Splat! Two paintballs hit the ground next to my feet. Straight ahead of me was the fortress. I dove into my teams’ fort. When I looked out the window I saw three oncoming enemies, Emily, my sister, Shawn, my dad, and Jane, Emily’s friend. My teammates Ben and Court had already been eliminated. Winning the game was all up to me. I slipped out of the back of the fort and proceeded to walk around the back. I could see all three of them. None of them had noticed me yet. I sprayed five paintballs towards them; I heard two “I’m Hit”s. They were from my dad and Jane. It was just me and Emily. She still had no clue where I was. She entered my teams’ fort, not knowing I was just outside the back door. Then it happened, I tripped. She heard me. She crept outside with her gun at her hip. When she saw me, she tried to shoot me, but she hit everywhere but me! I took one shot and nailed her right it the face. Good thing she had on a mask.
Edit: no views in a hour ? WTF. Also, don't
« Last Edit: December 07, 2010, 11:13:59 PM by edman2299K »


Why do you say three enemys but you name 4/5 people?

Interesting story

Is it true?

Why do you say three enemys but you name 4/5 people?
Its a 3v3.
Interesting story

Is it true?
True story bro.

It porbably wasn't as dramatic as you've said :L

Sounds pretty boring IMO. Anyways, mediocre writing.


Cool beans, you shot 2 chicks and an old man with a paintball gun. How accomplished do you feel?


Srs:

Cool story.

Lololol my friend's sister's name is Emily.

Lololol my friend's sister's name is Emily.
Ololol My sisters name is Emily.

Not very good word choice. Too many pronouns at the beginning of the sentences. You used paintball twice in the same paragraph. Typically not good unless it's a name.

Sounds more like a blog post than a story.
Where's the colorful language, like perambulate, and dissentary? I'd edit it, but I am too lazy.

Your flow is terrible and your word choice is bland.

Ololol My sisters name is Emily.
Lololo