GRACE
Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?
TRIP
What, Grace... this?
ADAM
Cunt
GRACE
Yes, you know how I feel about it --
TRIP
I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?!
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
GRACE
You know I've -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Uhp, he's here!
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
TRIP
No, he's supposed to be here now!
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
GRACE
Trip...!
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP
Adam!!
(ADAM hugs trip.)
TRIP
Ah I'm so happy you could make it! -- (interrupted)
ADAM
Me too
TRIP
Yeah, hi!
ADAM
Where is grace?
TRIP
Y -- yeah, yeah...
TRIP
Come on in!
ADAM
Grace?
TRIP
Uh, it'll be just a sec while I go get Grace...
ADAM
Ok
TRIP
(unintelligable arguing) -- (interrupted)
GRACE
No, no, here we are!
GRACE
Adam,
(ADAM hugs grace.)
GRACE
Hi! How are you? Oh it's so nice to see you, it feels like it's been forever! -- (interrupted)
GRACE
H-mmm (happy smile sound)
ADAM
It does!
GRACE
Uh...
GRACE
So, come in, make yourself at home...
TRIP
Whoops, I need to go close the door.
ADAM
So, what is on the party list?
GRACE
Uh...
(Trip closes the front door.)
TRIP
Oh, Adam, take a look at this photo I just -- (interrupted)
ADAM
Drinks, food,
PHONE
** RING **
GRACE
Oh, I'll get it --
TRIP
No, no no no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get it.
PHONE
** RING **
GRACE
Trip, no, I want --
PHONE
** RING **
TRIP
Grace, come on, don't be rude.
(ADAM picks up the phone.)
TRIP
Adam, no! Don't do that.
PHONE
Hello? Hello?
(ADAM puts down the phone.)
PHONE
Who is this? Travis, is that you? This is your mother.
TRIP
Uhh, that's my mother, I can hear her loud voice.
GRACE
Oh!
TRIP
Oh, good, you hung up. I don't want to talk to her.
ADAM
Problems, trip?
GRACE
Oh, I wanted to say hello --
TRIP
No no, come on, we're entertaining a friend in our new apartment...
TRIP
the last thing I want to do is talk to my parents.
ADAM
What a nice picture
(ADAM points to the wedding photo.)
(ADAM points to the wedding photo.)
(ADAM points to the wedding photo.)
(ADAM points to the wedding photo.)
TRIP
Oh, um...
(ADAM points to the wedding photo.)
GRACE
That's nice of you, I'm sure Trip's happy to hear that.
(ADAM points to the wedding photo.)
(ADAM points to the wedding photo.)
(ADAM points to the wedding photo.)
TRIP
(clears throat)
GRACE
Anyhow, Trip's parents... They're sweet people, really down to earth --
TRIP
Uhh, no, they're ignorant, they wouldn't know what a cumberbund from a cucumber.
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
ADAM
Hahah!
TRIP
Well, no, no, um, my parents aren't worth talking about.
TRIP
Well... you two are all chummy already... that's, that's good...
GRACE
Yeah, ha, maybe you can give me your honest opinion -- (interrupted)
ADAM
Problem?
GRACE
Oh, what? ... uh, I want to ask you...
GRACE
Uhh, you know, when I look at this wedding picture, hanging here in this room...
TRIP
Oh yeah, yeah, it -- it's the first thing everyone notices when they come in!
GRACE
it simply... doesn't go anymore... I mean, with my new decorating and all.
TRIP
Oh no, no... Adam, it looks good here...
ADAM
Put it in the Bedroom
TRIP
W -- well, uh, it, it always amazes me, how after a full day's work designing magazine ads, Grace still has the energy to decorate...
GRACE
Ha ha, heh, I guess it's just the artist in me dying to get out, ha...
ADAM
Yeah
GRACE
Ah, thank you, I've been waiting for someone to say that!
TRIP
But wait, what -- uhh... what are you -- everything's fine...! -- (interrupted)
(ADAM hugs grace.)
GRACE
Oh! you're hugging me, ha ha...
TRIP
Oh that's nice Grace, our friend seems happy to see you again after so long. -- (interrupted)
(ADAM comforts trip.)
TRIP
Oh, ha ha, I --
GRACE
Oh, well... you seem to remember how much Trip likes getting attention.
ADAM
Not as much as me!
ADAM
What?
GRACE
(big sigh) -- (interrupted)
GRACE
Oh let's not talk about my decorating anymore, I'm redoing the room this week, that's all there is to it.
GRACE
Listen to us, we're arguing in front of our friend.
ADAM
Good choice
GRACE
Oh, that's --
TRIP
Wow Grace, heh heh, you sure are getting your share of praise tonight!
GRACE
(annoyed sigh)
TRIP
Anyway...
ADAM
Wanty me to praise you Trip?
GRACE
God... you're really laying it on thick tonight!
ADAM
You both deserve it
GRACE
You know what... I'll be right back.
TRIP
Grace, sweetie, wait --
GRACE
No, no, stay put, I'll just be in the kitchen.
(ADAM comforts grace.)
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
TRIP
Um, Grace, uh, my love, could you, uh --
TRIP
could you bring out s - some of those... those... marinated greens... uh, cranberry salsa... uh, tuscan sun dried tomato... -- (interrupted)
ADAM
Grace, please, be nice
TRIP
Oh, Adam, I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent trip to Italy.
GRACE
Uhh, it's a beautiful picture of the Italian countryside, of course he'll like it!
TRIP
Grace, I know you don't like it, but our friend might.
GRACE
By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.
ADAM
Drinks?
TRIP
Oh, yeah, uh, I'm gonna fix us some drinks in a sec!
TRIP
Ah, you need to help me break in my expensive new set of roostertail making accessories.
ADAM
Cool!
TRIP
Ha ha, yeah!
TRIP
Um... uhh, Now, Adam, in one word, what does this picture say to you?
GRACE
Say to you... say to you... yes, good question, good question.
ADAM
Honeymoon?
TRIP
Well, actually, this trip to Italy was meant to be our second honeymoon!
GRACE
Oh, was that what it was? Huh, I'm always the last to know.
TRIP
Grace, I wanted us to spend some time together...!
ADAM
HOW IS "honeymoon' wrong?!
TRIP
N -- no, no, uh, heh, our -- our second honeymoon picture says...
TRIP
Grace stayed behind in the hotel room when I was out taking this picture, so...
ADAM
Solitary?
ADAM
Guys, I love you
TRIP
Right! Love! Romance!
GRACE
Romance? Ha, in our marriage, that's just a code word for manipulation.
TRIP
Grace, it'd been such a long time since we'd... had a chance to --
GRACE
You planned that trip without even asking me if I wanted to go!
GRACE
Adam, that's not the first time he's done that!
TRIP
(annoyed sigh)
GRACE
And you knew I planned to attend my friend's art show that weekend!
GRACE
A very good friend from college had a gallery show of his new paintings that weekend, and I missed it!
TRIP
What?
TRIP
Okay, I'm really sorry I dragged you off to Italy, Grace. -- (interrupted)
ADAM
Damn, trip, bad move
TRIP
What...? Adam,
GRACE
Trip, that was just a well-intentioned little poke in the ribs between friends, that's all.
ADAM
Yeah
TRIP
So... drinks...
(ADAM picks up the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Maybe Later")
TRIP
This is great... For us I'm going to open an amazing, I mean, exquisite Bordeaux.
ADAM
No, white wine please
(ADAM shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP
Excellent! You've got good taste.
(The advice ball reads, "Yes")
(ADAM shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "I Doubt It")
TRIP
Best of the best, you can't buy this in stores... Very, very special --
(ADAM shakes the advice ball.)
(ADAM puts down the advice ball.)
GRACE
God Trip, you're just like my dad with the whole wine snob thing.
TRIP
I'll take that as a compliment. Adam, what do you say?
GRACE
No no,
GRACE
Adam, maybe you'd like just a simple glass of white wine?
ADAM
Didn't you have Bordeaux for wed
TRIP
Oh come on...
ADAM
Soda please
TRIP
Yeah, no, we need to open this wine! Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there is to it!
ADAM
SODA
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
TRIP
I've been dying to try this Bordeaux for a long time, this is the perfect opportunity --
GRACE
That's not our anniversary wine is it?
ADAM
I WANT SODA
ADAM
SODA
GRACE
That's not the Bordeaux we saved from our wedding, that we were going to drink on our tenth wedding anniversary, RIGHT?!
ADAM
SODA
TRIP
Whoops.
ADAM
nO
(ADAM comforts grace.)
GRACE
No, please stop taking sides, it's just going to make it worse!
GRACE
Our anniversary wine! -- (interrupted)
(ADAM comforts trip.)
(ADAM comforts trip.)
TRIP
Uhh, uh, can you, can you -- can you just...
GRACE
Sometimes I feel like our whole marriage is just for show! I don't know what you really feel!
(ADAM picks up the red wine bottle.)
TRIP
(little impatient sigh) Adam, can you believe this?
(ADAM puts down the red wine bottle.)
(ADAM picks up the white wine bottle.)
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
GRACE
Oh, Adam, yeah...
GRACE
I can predict what you'll say...
GRACE
You've been praising Trip ever since you got here!
TRIP
Goddamn more real...
TRIP
I like my fancy drinks, okay? I like the good things in life, does that make me a bad person? -- (interrupted)
GRACE
Oh, my God...!
ADAM
Yes, i can believe it
GRACE
What, what's that, what are you saying?
GRACE
Goddamn second honeymoon...
GRACE
Trip, our whole marriage, you're so... controlling!
TRIP
Oh, Christ...!
ADAM
Trip, you are a dumbstuff,
GRACE
Okay, you know what, Adam,
GRACE
I'm going to ask you something.
TRIP
Grace --
GRACE
Trip, let me ask our guest a question.
GRACE
Adam, yes or no...
GRACE
When you get married, you're just supposed to forgive and forget everything bad that happened before that, right?
TRIP
What?
ADAM
Yes,
GRACE
What...?!
GRACE
Oh, yes, that's fine... that's fine...
GRACE
Just admit it, Trip, admit it, we have an stuffty marriage! We've never been really happy, from day one! Never, goddammit!
TRIP
Oh, Jesus...!
ADAM
Therapy?
TRIP
Uhh! Yeah, go on, get away from me!
(ADAM puts down the white wine bottle.)
TRIP
I can't even frigging look at you.
(ADAM comforts trip.)
TRIP
Hey, hey -- hey, no, I -- I don't...
GRACE
What, Trip? Are you trying to talk to me?
TRIP
What's it to you?
ADAM
Therapy?
TRIP
Adam, this is not normal, this has never happened.
ADAM
Are you sure,
GRACE
Adam, (annoyed sigh) Trip is just so...
TRIP
Oh, we're talking about me, are we?
GRACE
What?
ADAM
Therapy
TRIP
Ah!
GRACE
Adam, Therapy?
TRIP
Actually I think therapy could cure Grace of her obsession with being an artist --
GRACE
I'm not the one with the problem, Trip, you have the problem with art, not me --
TRIP
and we could stop wasting our time and money on all this redecorating!
GRACE
Uhh, Adam, -- (interrupted)
ADAM
YOU BOTH HAVE PROBLEMS
TRIP
Ah!
GRACE
What? Adam, you're saying I'm to blame?
ADAM
THERAPY WOULD HELP BOTH
TRIP
Aha!
GRACE
Adam, you're saying I'm... loving?
ADAM
Yes
GRACE
You know, Trip is always hinting that I'm... I'm -- (interrupted)
GRACE
Yes?
GRACE
See, the thing is, it just depends on who I'm with!
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
ADAM
Trip is the perfect match for you
TRIP
Marriage, well... heh... you know, it's sad, or maybe funny, I... uhh... I always thought marriage would be easy!
GRACE
What?
TRIP
Yeah, I always thought marriage was supposed be this great thing that you'd just be happy and... and...
TRIP
and... well, happy... or at least just easier than this!
ADAM
It has to have work
TRIP
No, look, it's now painfully obvious to me I didn't know jack about what marriage was really like...
ADAM
Are you guys happy?
GRACE
Ah!
TRIP
Okay, wait, so now you're trying to tell me I'm... depressed?
ADAM
No, just not happy
TRIP
No?
TRIP
I mean... I'm hating life right now, but uh... I don't know if I'm depressed!
ADAM
Yes, yes you are
GRACE
Let's keep talking about Trip.
GRACE
Adam, it's time that Trip finally just admits that our marriage --
TRIP
Grace, don't, no, you don't need to --
GRACE
Admits that our marriage is not --
TRIP
Stop it, stop it! (annoyed sigh)
ADAM
Go with the problems! Fix them
GRACE
No?
ADAM
See a doctor
GRACE
Uhh...! God...!
ADAM
Or a therapist. It will help
TRIP
Uhh, Adam, we went over that already, didn't we?
ADAM
Drinks?
(ADAM sits on the couch.)
(ADAM gets up from the couch.)
TRIP
Adam, does it look like I want to fix you drinks right now?
(ADAM picks up a trinket 4.)
GRACE
All this stuff... mmm... Having all this money makes us so happy. We're so happy, aren't we Trip?
TRIP
Jesus, what do you want! Now you're unhappy because we're too well off?
(ADAM puts down a trinket 4.)
TRIP
Adam, isn't it -- isn't that ridiculous?
ADAM
Yes, it is rediculous
GRACE
Yes?
GRACE
You both... Just get away from me! -- (interrupted)
ADAM
What is the matter?
TRIP
Why?
GRACE
Oh God... Adam, what should I do... I don't know what to do...
GRACE
Uhh...
ADAM
Be assertive
GRACE
No, don't... give me a second here... uhh...
ADAM
You deserve it.
TRIP
Let's talk some more about Grace.
GRACE
Damn it, Trip, you and my parents are always planning these stupid trips I have to go on.. -- (interrupted)
ADAM
NO
GRACE
No?
TRIP
Ah, you want to know more. Thank you, that helps her. Grace, you never want to go on vacation with me and your parents - so I have to plan everything!
GRACE
Uhh..
TRIP
Look, let's talk about us both, not just one of us.
GRACE
I think Trip's afraid of visiting his parents. He does everything he can to avoid seeing them.
ADAM
Good idea
TRIP
Afraid of my parents?! My parents are idiots.
GRACE
No, it's true...
ADAM
She is right, trip
TRIP
Yes?
GRACE
Ah, that helps him.
TRIP
What!? That's ridiculous. Why would I -- why would I be afraid of their stupid meatloafs and their tacky house and their crappy wine...?
ADAM
Seeing your parents would help u
GRACE
Trip, why can't you be more like your parents? They're real.
TRIP
Yeah, real tacky.
TRIP
Adam, Grace has always enjoyed slumming. That's why she likes visiting them.
(ADAM sits on the couch.)
GRACE
I can't believe you. Trip, are you that shallow?
ADAM
U guys are blaming each other
TRIP
Aha!
GRACE
Adam, you -- you blame me for all this, don't you?
TRIP
Grace, no --
ADAM
No,
GRACE
No?
GRACE
Oh, thank God you disagree, that helps!
TRIP
Grace, what are you talking about, 'mistake you made'... what -- what 'mistake'? Are you just making stuff up now?
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
ADAM
Neither of you are responsible
TRIP
Let's talk some more about Grace.
GRACE
Trip, it's your fault -- ten years ago, freshly married and just out of college,
GRACE
you convinced me to go into advertising, instead of art!
TRIP
What?
GRACE
If it weren't for you, I could be a real artist by now. -- (interrupted)
ADAM
No, it is both of your faults
TRIP
Jesus, Adam, we've already talked about that, alright?
GRACE
Look, why don't we talk about us, our relationship.
ADAM
Good idea
(ADAM gets up from the couch.)
TRIP
You know, Grace, ever since I first proposed to you, almost ten years ago now...
GRACE
Trip...
TRIP
it's always been impossible to get you to just... just... feel happy...!
GRACE
Adam, Trip, I... we... uhh...
(ADAM picks up the red wine bottle.)
(ADAM puts down the red wine bottle.)
(ADAM picks up a martini glass 2.)
(ADAM puts down a martini glass 2.)
(ADAM picks up the brass bull.)
GRACE
God, Adam, I'm getting really tired of talking about Trip's stuff, God... (frustrated sigh)
(ADAM puts down the brass bull.)
ADAM
What is the matter?
TRIP
Okay, that's it, no more of this bullstuff!!
TRIP
Adam, I know what you're hinting at...
ADAM
What?
TRIP
about us...
TRIP
about our lifestyle...
TRIP
No, Adam, hold on, hold on, let me finish!
TRIP
Do you two want the truth? Huh?
TRIP
Adam, do you want to hear it?
TRIP
Grace?
ADAM
No
GRACE
Yes...!
TRIP
See, Adam, I've been paying attention to what you've been saying tonight.
TRIP
You've really been pushing me tonight.
TRIP
It makes me wonder if you're really my friend or not.
ADAM
To be better
GRACE
Trip!
ADAM
Yes I am!
TRIP
Adam, Quit interrupting me, let me speak!
TRIP
Adam, come on -- yes or no...
TRIP
Do you really think that...
TRIP
praising me...
TRIP
praising Grace...
TRIP
criticizing me...
TRIP
saying that Grace is loving...
TRIP
telling me I'm depressed...
TRIP
and worst of all,
TRIP
saying that Grace is to blame...
TRIP
and what you said about being in sync with each other in a marriage...
TRIP
and you don't even say 'yes' when I ask you if you want the truth...
TRIP
that we'll somehow realize something about our marriage?
TRIP
Is all of that arguing intended to mean something, or...
TRIP
Is it? I just want a yes or no.
ADAM
Yes
TRIP
Okay.
TRIP
Grace...
TRIP
uhh...
TRIP
See... I'm... ashamed of my parents.
GRACE
What!? Your parents are great.
GRACE
I love seeing them...
TRIP
I know, I know. But compared to yours... they're so ... ignorant.
GRACE
But they're real. I hate how my parents are pretending to be something --
TRIP
I've tried hard to be like your family --
GRACE
Trip... really? ... I don't --
TRIP
But I feel like a phony. I feel like I can never get rid of my past.
TRIP
It's kind of like I don't know who I am anymore.
TRIP
uhh...
GRACE
uhh...
GRACE
Oh my God...!
GRACE
Adam, I, uhh...
GRACE
This changes everything...
TRIP
Yes, it does change everything.
TRIP
I think it's over.
GRACE
Trip, what --
TRIP
No!!
TRIP
It's over, Grace, can't you see that?
GRACE
Wha... You just told me --
TRIP
I just told you something about us I should have said a long time ago:
TRIP
You think I'm phony for hating my parents, and -- and wishing they were like yours.
GRACE
Trip, no, I... you...
ADAM
No she doesn't!
TRIP
No, Grace, this isn't about you, or me, it's about us...
TRIP
Our marriage. I see that now.
GRACE
Me...? Our -- our marriage...? Hey, no, wait!
TRIP
And no, Adam, please...
TRIP
Adam, I'm sorry. You really helped us though, so, thanks.
GRACE
Trip!
(Trip opens the front door.)
GRACE
Trip!!
(Trip closes the front door.)
GRACE
Oh my God...
(ADAM hugs grace.)
GRACE
I should have told him that...
GRACE
I -- I could have told him that...
