Make a national "get drunk" day so they like us more
they send a note saying that they fart in your general direction, your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries. they also say they're not amused.
you break down crying. your father was an elderberry addict, he couldn't help himself. he died of having too many elderberries when you were only 6. your mother also was a mad scientist that swapped bodies with a hamster. You never saw her again. And you're allergic to farts.