How to prove to yourself God exists

[ultimamax]

Go forget yourself. I hate you even more now.

You are the definition of intolerance. The whole anti-mormon jerk has really gotten to you, hm?

You guys need to learn to accept other people's beliefs. Seriously.

[Ad Bot]

[No2mad2]

You are the definition of intolerance. The whole anti-mormon jerk has really gotten to you, hm?

You guys need to learn to accept other people's beliefs. Seriously.

Thank you. It's really appreciated.

[Robo]

You are the definition of intolerance. The whole anti-mormon jerk has really gotten to you, hm?

You guys need to learn to accept other people's beliefs. Seriously.

Thanks.

[Decepticon]

Here is how you prove it to yourself, step by step. Obviously it's not going to hold up to scientific scrutiny.

1) Stop watching research and masturbating for at least 3 days. There's a reason practically every western church tells you not to. - I haven't masturbated/fapped/watched research for a year or two, and yet I don't believe that god exists

2) Identify something you would like that is plausible (no giant rampaging monsters for example), at this point it'll probably be to know if god exists. Also, if it's something that would go against the spirit of the bible (10 commandments for example) It's not going to work either. - What..

3) Go to a quiet, secluded area (your room, the park when no one is around, ect.) and pray. Ask your question or make your request sincerely, if you aren't serious, how can you expect him to be? The forget are you talking about.

4) Keep an open mind for the next week or so. If someone invites you to church for example, go. If you feel like doing something you wouldn't normally do, like taking a walk, do it. God works through seemingly random, unconnected events. If you let him nudge you in the right direction. You will be surprised how effective this can be. I have not been to church and not wanting to.

Now, I respect your belief n' all, it's just some people that say stuff like this annoys me.

[Big Brother]

My theory is the God Incorporated Theory.


God™ is actually a multi-billionaire after-life company with over 7 billion employees and counting. Each employee controls different humanoids who live in different time zones and these employees make the decisions on how you live your life. They control you. If the employee is high up in the company, they'll likely invest well into the human and make them live successfully and prosperously in hopes of praise. However if the employee is an amateur, they will probably make the human kill themselves or become homeless or something. Every time a human being lives their life successfully from birth until death, the employee is given a raise or a promotion. This means the employee is allowed to control more important human beings, like the Pope. The employee of the year has been Jesus for the past 460 years. Every time you thank God™, you're actually thanking Sanjeet who works with humanoid customer services.

[ultimamax]

No problem.

Fapping doesn't make you not believe in god. What? Those aren't correlated.

Anyway while OP doesn't technically prove the existence of a deity there's no need to go gung-ho and call OP/no2mad2 godloving friends. Go back to r/atheism.

[No2mad2]

Now, I respect your belief n' all, it's just some people that say stuff like this annoys me.

2. J. D. Rockefeller was a Christian and wanted large sums of money. He prayed to become the richest man in his lifetime. What he "identified" was that he wanted money.

3. He's talking about how you should pray to God.

[ultimamax]

My theory is the God Incorporated Theory.


God™ is actually a multi-billionaire after-life company with over 7 billion employees and counting. Each employee controls different humanoids who live in different time zones and these employees make the decisions on how you live your life. They control you. If the employee is high up in the company, they'll likely invest well into the human and make them live successfully and prosperously in hopes of praise. However if the employee is an amateur, they will probably make the human kill themselves or become homeless or something. Every time a human being lives their life successfully from birth until death, the employee is given a raise or a promotion. This means the employee is allowed to control more important human beings, like the Pope. The employee of the year has been Jesus for the past 460 years. Every time you thank God™, you're actually thanking Sanjeet who works with humanoid customer services.

But is Jesus also God? What about the holy trinity?

[Mega-Bear]

My theory is the God Incorporated Theory.


God™ is actually a multi-billionaire after-life company with over 7 billion employees and counting. Each employee controls different humanoids who live in different time zones and these employees make the decisions on how you live your life. They control you. If the employee is high up in the company, they'll likely invest well into the human and make them live successfully and prosperously in hopes of praise. However if the employee is an amateur, they will probably make the human kill themselves or become homeless or something. Every time a human being lives their life successfully from birth until death, the employee is given a raise or a promotion. This means the employee is allowed to control more important human beings, like the Pope. The employee of the year has been Jesus for the past 460 years. Every time you thank God™, you're actually thanking Sanjeet who works with humanoid customer services.

Write a satire on religion please that's awesome

[Big Brother]

But is Jesus also God? What about the holy trinity?

God™ is not actually a person or a deity, it's just the trademark name for the company itself. Jesus is just the store manager but he's been working there for eternity now. He's had a lot of--how should we say this, unholy customer complaints but store policy says that God™ and the employees need to forgive the customers for they know not what they do.

The Holy Trinity was actually just a misspelling of The Horny Tiffany, which was a hot co-worker which Jesus was tapping back in the day. They were tight, they had like a FWB thing going on. (loving Without Blasphemy) In any case, Jesus was never cut out to be the CEO. He kept abusing his store management benefits of free cup holders and stationary equipment and as a result he never got a promotion. The Holy Spirit was basically the after-life equivalent of Uncle Sam, unusually it had little correlation to Horny Tiffany or Jesus but there were lots of Holy Spirit brand posters on the walls saying things like "The father, the son and YOU" which motivated the employees to work hard.

[Slate521]

incoming hatemail

[Camera]

Wat, deuterium isn't 1, hydrogen is. :C

Oh, isotope derp.

[Cucumber!]

What's a Geod? :I

[The Corporation]

Hey guys, what's going on this thr-

* The Corporation  tactically NOPEs his way back to the door and leaves

[Katamari007]

What's a Geod? :I

Geodude