exposition post please ignore
Gus spends the time waiting to mull over the last two years in full. Looking out of the stall into the bathroom mirror, he almost doesn't recognise himself. His face is somewhat more taut, with shrapnel wounds and soot covering his clean shaven face. His eyes seem darker now, obscured by his brow which seems to be fixed in an unfamiliar stern expression.
Coming to terms with war is harder than putting it out of his mind, Gus realizes. He's been running away from the thought since Tocatlan, but being stranded in Imperial territory, alone, with the very real possibility of death brings the issue front and center. The war - Gus scoffs to himself. How naive he was to enlist solely to fight, as if it was some new gym goer he could beat in sparring or a muscular guy he could out-lift. In his mind, he imagines his family retorting with the obvious question - Why do you still fight, then? It was posed to him by his parents and friends after Tocatlan. He didn't have an answer then, but now he does. It wasn't for the thrill of conflict or glory, which war junkies like Virvel and Walt strove for. Not for defense of the homeland or a sense of duty. No, he fought now because of the people - his squad and the people he flew with. People he met, like Pagodin. People he didn't know. And a realisation, too, that it was this same reason he had pushed himself so hard. Taking on the Hyperion, or the Nosferatu - if they were going for him, they weren't going for anyone else. It seemed better to him that he would bear the brunt than someone else if he was able.
And yet, Gus can't bring himself to hold a grudge against any of those he flew against. Nominally, he reasons, they have to be just like the rest of us - just people, who have to do terrible things to protect their countries, their families and their friends, even with all that is said against the Deltans or the Zents. They did what they had to do and so did he, even if it was hard. Despite that, he hopes he never has to look any of their families in the eye and tell them why he shot them down.
Gus regrets not spending more time with his squad and others, conceding that if he makes it back he will fix that.