Quest to Save Kompressor[poll is up, vote for something better to do]

[tber123]

Crush an alien between your massive testicles.

You reach down and realize that your radioactive testicles aren't even massive.

Eat the sausage and drink the toxic waste

You eat the Glowing Green Sausage and drink an entire barrel of toxic waste! You now have EXTREME radiation poisoning and cancer.

toot vuvuzela before passing out to summon the skeleton gods

You toot on the vuvuzela and try to summon the Skeleton Gods! Your vuvuzela goes unheard, as you are out of range from the realm of the Skeleton gods!

Use your glowing aura to melt the circuits of the armory force field.

You charge headfirst into the Armory Forcefield and try to melt the circuits, only to end up electrocuting yourself somehow. The Alien locked in the armory continues making obscene gestures.

Nearby Objects:
Alien Teddy Bear
Some sort of VHS Tape
Vuvuzela
v21 Postcard
Ben Blonde has 15/15 HP. Small Guns Skill: 7.09/30 [color=Transparent[/color]
Agent Crit has 7/15 HP. Explosives Skill: 5.00/30.00 [color=Transparent[/color]
Outcast Lieutenant(10/10 HP) armed with Bare Hands DMG 1-3, hits up to 2x
Outcast Guardsman(10/10 HP) armed with Bare Hands DMG 1-3, hits up to 2x
Outcast Marksman(10/10 HP) armed with Bare Hands DMG 1-3, hits up to 2x
Fellow Prisoners Following You: 36
Tom O'Flanagan has 7/7 HP, 7/7 STAM, 7/7 MENT, 6/6 Jet Fuel(Fly + Hard to Hit). He is also Very Drunk.

WEAPONS(5 QDS): 1)[Deflector]Deflector (Reflects projectiles based on Deflector Skill.) 2)[Music]Guitar 3)[Music]Keytar 4)[SmallGuns]Plasma Pistol

ITEMS(10 QDS): (1)Empty Vodka Bottle x1 (2)Flashlight x1 (3)$566 (3)BoomBox (4)Fine Wine x20 (5)Mech Part 1/3 (6)Sand Soup x38

AMMO: Plasma x3

SKILLS: Long Arms: 5.65/30.00 Blunt Weapons: 5.57/30.00 Unarmed: 4.30/30.00 Speech: 7.50/30.00 Music: 0.09/30.00 Throwing: 0.05/30.00 Small Guns: 0.18/30.00 Bladed Weapons: 0.05/30.00 Explosives: 0.30/30.00 Deflector: 0.10/30.00 Shotguns: 0.10/30.00 Flamethrowers: 0.10/30.00

PERKS: Limited ESP(See enemy stats) Don't You Die On Me(Second Chance upon dying usually) Extreme Radiation Posioning(-9 Max HP/Stamina/Mental Health)

Gameplay Modifier: Quickdraw Slots is active.
Gameplay Modifier: Deadly Crits(3x DMG) is active.
Gameplay Modifier: Alien Invasion is active.
Death Mode: Slap on the Wrist is active.

[Ad Bot]

[Space1255]

Make even more obscene gestures

[tber123]

Make even more obscene gestures

You make even more obscene gestures, but the Alien does some weird thing with his fingers and outdoes you. Darn.

Nearby Objects:
Alien Teddy Bear
Playable VHS Tape
Vuvuzela
v21 Postcard
Ben Blonde has 15/15 HP. Small Guns Skill: 7.09/30 [color=Transparent[/color]
Agent Crit has 7/15 HP. Explosives Skill: 5.00/30.00 [color=Transparent[/color]
Outcast Lieutenant(10/10 HP) armed with Bare Hands DMG 1-3, hits up to 2x
Outcast Guardsman(10/10 HP) armed with Bare Hands DMG 1-3, hits up to 2x
Outcast Marksman(10/10 HP) armed with Bare Hands DMG 1-3, hits up to 2x
Fellow Prisoners Following You: 36
Tom O'Flanagan has 7/7 HP, 7/7 STAM, 7/7 MENT, 6/6 Jet Fuel(Fly + Hard to Hit). He is also Very Drunk.

WEAPONS(5 QDS): 1)[Deflector]Deflector (Reflects projectiles based on Deflector Skill.) 2)[Music]Guitar 3)[Music]Keytar 4)[SmallGuns]Plasma Pistol

ITEMS(10 QDS): (1)Empty Vodka Bottle x1 (2)Flashlight x1 (3)$566 (3)BoomBox (4)Fine Wine x20 (5)Mech Part 1/3 (6)Sand Soup x38

AMMO: Plasma x3

SKILLS: Long Arms: 5.65/30.00 Blunt Weapons: 5.57/30.00 Unarmed: 4.30/30.00 Speech: 7.50/30.00 Music: 0.09/30.00 Throwing: 0.05/30.00 Small Guns: 0.18/30.00 Bladed Weapons: 0.05/30.00 Explosives: 0.30/30.00 Deflector: 0.10/30.00 Shotguns: 0.10/30.00 Flamethrowers: 0.10/30.00

PERKS: Limited ESP(See enemy stats) Don't You Die On Me(Second Chance upon dying usually) Extreme Radiation Posioning(-9 Max HP/Stamina/Mental Health)

Gameplay Modifier: Quickdraw Slots is active.
Gameplay Modifier: Deadly Crits(3x DMG) is active.
Gameplay Modifier: Alien Invasion is active.
Death Mode: Slap on the Wrist is active.

[Cybertails1998]

yell "Tihs taht no ekohc! Stithctib, dekcuf teg ot emit!", then grab the vuvuzela and furiously mangle the russian anthem with it

[Nicepoint]

!taht oD^

[Refticus]

become a being of pure cancer with another gulp of the green goo, fill the entire room with radiation

[tber123]

become a being of pure cancer with another gulp of the green goo, fill the entire room with radiation

You already finished the green goo.

yell "Tihs taht no ekohc! Stithctib, dekcuf teg ot emit!", then grab the vuvuzela and furiously mangle the russian anthem with it

"Tihs taht no ekohc! Stithctib, dekcuf teg ot emit!"

Tom O'Flanagan furiously plays the Vuvuzela at the alien, penetrating through the forcefield and destroying the Alien's eardrums! He accidentally opens the armory!
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Just like the v21 Guy (Attack someone with a vuvuzela)
Outcast Lieutenant and his posse rush into the armory and retrieve their weapons before pointing them at you!
"Looks like we won't be needing you anymore. So long!"
Armory Alien detonates an explosive booby trap, killing all of the Outcasts along with himself and destroying some of your equipment!

You salvage what you can from the armory. You take your original gear that survived and let the other 36 prisoners take the rest from the armory.

LEVEL UP! Health increased to 25(But you're still suffering from radiation so its 16 health). You are now in the midgame, and more weapons will appear on the battlefield.
Pick one skill to improve
Musical Training +3 to Music skill (Can Debuff/Stun/Damage/Convert/Demoralize/Inspire with instruments)
Rifleman +3 to Long Arms
Basics of CQC +3 to Unarmed
Slicing and Dicing +3 to Bladed Weapons
Blunt Force Trauma +3 to Blunt Weapons
Shotgunner +3 to Shotguns
I DO Want to Set the World on Fire +3 to Flamethrowers
Fastball Special +3 to Throwing
The Magic of Explosives +3 to Explosives
Archer +3 to Archery
Dodge Demon +3 to Dodge
Silver Tongue +3 to Speech
Big Bang +3 to Superweapons(Endgame-tier explosives like the Mini-Nuke or Ion Cannon)
Gatling Good +3 to Heavy Weapons
The Contrarian +3 to Deflector(A weapon that deflects projectiles)
The Gunslinger +3 to Small Arms

Pick one perk
Cherry Blossoms Ability to summon a rain of cherry blossoms with knives taped to them
Home Vasectomy Summon Badspot to perform home vasectomies on hostiles, which will sterilize and traumatize them for life.
Regeneration Regenerate 1 HP/STAM/MENT per turn
Pray to the Wallet Receive $2000 from the sky
Mysterious Protector 10% chance to summon a guardian angel in combat
Jinxed Everyone turns into an error prone laughingstock. 9 out of 10 times you will suffer misfortune.
Double Tap 15% chance to be able to attack twice in one "turn"
Strength +1 Quickdraw Slot for Weapons/Items
Thick Skin Take -1 damage from all sources
I Suddenly Know How to X Adds +7 to any skill of your choice
It Gets Better +5 to a skill of your choice when you level up instead of +3
Resilience Only take 2x DMG from critical hits instead of 3x DMG(Requires Gameplay Modifier:Deadly Crits)
Share the Experience Sacrifice a perk in exchange for your companions receiving another +2 to their skills

Oh my! It feels like I suddenly know how to blow people up better!
I feel like a professional tournament player now.
Fellow Prisoners(Redshirts, Meatshields) Following You: 36
Ben Blonde has 15/15 HP. Small Guns Skill: 10.09/30 [color=Transparent[/color]
Agent Crit has 7/15 HP. Explosives Skill: 8.00/30.00 [color=Transparent[/color]
Tom O'Flanagan has 16/16 HP, 16/16 STAM, 16/16 MENT, 6/6 Jet Fuel(Fly + Hard to Hit). He is also Drunk and Irradiated.

WEAPONS(5 QDS): 1)[Deflector]Deflector (Reflects projectiles based on Deflector Skill.) 2)[Music]Guitar 3)[Music]Keytar 4)[SmallGuns]Plasma Pistol DMG 7-10 (5)[Explosives]Toaster Launcher DMG 1-4, fires up to 2x [LongArms]1914 Rifle DMG 2-5, fires up to 2x [Flamethrowers]Stratofortress M2 Flamethrower DMG 5-10, 2x DMG to robots [Bladed Weapons]Chainsaw DMG 1-2, hits up to 9x [Explosives]Akimbo RocketL DMG 1-4(BlastRadius) 4-7(DirectHit), fires twice [Explosives]M79 GL DMG 4-6(Blast Radius) 7-12(Direct Hit) [Shotgun]DB Shotgun DMG 1-12, can hit multiple body parts [Small Guns]Laser SMG DMG 2-3, hits up to 6x [Small Guns]Magnum DMG 3-5, fires up to 2x [Long Arms]Beam Rifle DMG 3-6(Uncharged) 6-9(Charged)

ITEMS(10 QDS): (1)Empty Vodka Bottle x1 (2)Flashlight x1 (3)$566 (3)BoomBox (4)Fine Wine x20 (5)Mech Part 1/3 (6)Sand Soup x38

AMMO: Plasma x3 Bullets x11 Lasers x11 Arrows x5 Grenade Launcher Ammo x3 Shotgun Shells x9 Flamethrower Fuel x4 Rockets x10 Toast x5 High Explosive ammo x6 Incendiary Rounds x3 Stun Rounds x14

SKILLS: Long Arms: 5.65/30.00 Blunt Weapons: 5.57/30.00 Unarmed: 4.30/30.00 Speech: 7.50/30.00 Music: 0.09/30.00 Throwing: 0.05/30.00 Small Guns: 0.18/30.00 Bladed Weapons: 0.05/30.00 Explosives: 0.30/30.00 Deflector: 0.10/30.00 Shotguns: 0.10/30.00 Flamethrowers: 0.10/30.00

PERKS: Limited ESP(See enemy stats) Don't You Die On Me(Second Chance upon dying usually) Extreme Radiation Posioning(-9 Max HP/Stamina/Mental Health)

Gameplay Modifier: Quickdraw Slots is active.
Gameplay Modifier: Deadly Crits(3x DMG) is active.
Gameplay Modifier: Alien Invasion is active.
Death Mode: Slap on the Wrist is active.

[Nicepoint]

Music and I suddenly know how to speech

[CRITAWAKETS]

It Gets better and small guns.

[Refticus]

spaceship joyride bby

[Cybertails1998]

Rifleman and Jinxed

[Space1255]

The Gunslinger and Mysterious Protector

[Zoltan]

Music and I suddenly know how to music

[tber123]

(Ignore the tiny wall of text, its to make copy/pasting easier for the next level up)
Pick one skill to improve
Musical Training +3 to Music skill (Can Debuff/Stun/Damage/Convert/Demoralize/Inspire with instruments)
Rifleman +3 to Long Arms
Basics of CQC +3 to Unarmed
Slicing and Dicing +3 to Bladed Weapons
Blunt Force Trauma +3 to Blunt Weapons
Shotgunner +3 to Shotguns
I DO Want to Set the World on Fire +3 to Flamethrowers
Fastball Special +3 to Throwing
The Magic of Explosives +3 to Explosives
Archer +3 to Archery
Dodge Demon +3 to Dodge
Silver Tongue +3 to Speech
Big Bang +3 to Superweapons(Endgame-tier explosives like the Mini-Nuke or Ion Cannon)
Gatling Good +3 to Heavy Weapons
The Contrarian +3 to Deflector(A weapon that deflects projectiles)
The Gunslinger +3 to Small Arms

Pick one perk
Cherry Blossoms Ability to summon a rain of cherry blossoms with knives taped to them
Home Vasectomy Summon Badspot to perform home vasectomies on hostiles, which will sterilize and traumatize them for life.
Regeneration Regenerate 1 HP/STAM/MENT per turn
Pray to the Wallet Receive $2000 from the sky
Mysterious Protector 10% chance to summon a guardian angel in combat
Jinxed Everyone turns into an error prone laughingstock. 9 out of 10 times you will suffer misfortune.
Double Tap 15% chance to be able to attack twice in one "turn"
Strength +1 Quickdraw Slot for Weapons/Items
Thick Skin Take -1 damage from all sources
I Suddenly Know How to X Adds +7 to any skill of your choice
Resilience Only take 2x DMG from critical hits instead of 3x DMG(Requires Gameplay Modifier:Deadly Crits)
Share the Experience Sacrifice a perk in exchange for your companions receiving another +2 to their skills

It Gets better and small guns.

Going with this one because I used Random.org(Nicepoint's post is assigned to #1, Crit's to #2, Cybertails to #3, etc. Random.org gave me the number 2.)

spaceship joyride bby

You rush to the pilot's room of the Alien Spaceship only to find that the doors have been barred shut. The Aliens hiding inside shout profanities in an alien tongue before calling for help!

One Riot, One Alien Ranger. You whip around to see THE Alien Ranger approaching you with an Old School Rifle in his hands. Good thing you have 36 meatshields following you, right?

Alien Ranger(40/40 HP, 20 HP Energy Shield) armed with Old School Rifle(Ability: Pierce) DMG 8-12(Unscoped)/15-23(Scoped)
Dodge: 10.99/30.00
Long Arms: 15.56/30.00
Fire: 9.98/30.00
Unarmed: 25.00/30.00
Blunt Weapons: 13.36/30.00

PROTIP: Rearrange your Quickdraw Slots!

Fellow Prisoners(Redshirts, Meatshields) Following You: 36
Ben Blonde has 20/20 HP. Small Guns Skill: 10.09/30 Suppressed Pistol DMG 5-7
Agent Crit has 22/22 HP. Explosives Skill: 8.00/30.00 Arm RocketL DMG 2-4/8-16
Tom O'Flanagan has 16/16 HP, 16/16 STAM, 16/16 MENT, 6/6 Jet Fuel(Fly + Hard to Hit). He is also Drunk and Irradiated.

WEAPONS(5 QDS): 1)[Deflector]Deflector (Reflects projectiles based on Deflector Skill.) 2)[Music]Guitar 3)[Music]Keytar 4)[SmallGuns]Plasma Pistol DMG 7-10 5)[Explosives]Toaster Launcher DMG 1-4, fires up to 2x [LongArms]1914 Rifle DMG 2-5, fires up to 2x [Flamethrowers]Stratofortress M2 Flamethrower DMG 5-10, 2x DMG to robots [Bladed Weapons]Chainsaw DMG 1-2, hits up to 9x [Explosives]Akimbo RocketL DMG 1-4(BlastRadius) 4-7(DirectHit), fires twice [Explosives]M79 GL DMG 4-6(Blast Radius) 7-12(Direct Hit) [Shotgun]DB Shotgun DMG 1-12, can hit multiple body parts [Small Guns]Laser SMG DMG 2-3, hits up to 6x [Small Guns]Magnum DMG 3-5, fires up to 2x [Long Arms]Beam Rifle DMG 3-6(Uncharged) 6-9(Charged)

ITEMS(10 QDS): (1)Empty Vodka Bottle x1 (2)Flashlight x1 (3)$566 (3)BoomBox (4)Fine Wine x20 (5)Mech Part 1/3 (6)Sand Soup x38

AMMO: Plasma x3 Bullets x11 Lasers x11 Arrows x5 Grenade Launcher Ammo x3 Shotgun Shells x9 Flamethrower Fuel x4 Rockets x10 Toast x5 High Explosive ammo x6 Incendiary Rounds x3 Stun Rounds x14

SKILLS: Long Arms: 5.65/30.00 Blunt Weapons: 5.57/30.00 Unarmed: 4.30/30.00 Speech: 7.50/30.00 Music: 0.09/30.00 Throwing: 0.05/30.00 Small Guns: 5.18/30.00 Bladed Weapons: 0.05/30.00 Explosives: 0.30/30.00 Deflector: 0.10/30.00 Shotguns: 0.10/30.00 Flamethrowers: 0.10/30.00

PERKS: Limited ESP(See enemy stats) Don't You Die On Me(Second Chance upon dying usually) Extreme Radiation Posioning(-9 Max HP/Stamina/Mental Health)

Gameplay Modifier: Quickdraw Slots is active.
Gameplay Modifier: Deadly Crits(3x DMG) is active.
Gameplay Modifier: Alien Invasion is active.
Death Mode: Slap on the Wrist is active.

[Nicepoint]

Dodge eh?

Let use flamethrower then.