ATTACK RESULTS
Space1255: Rolled
4Your clone walks over and punches you repeatedly in the solar plexus, causing your lungs to convulse and
letting you breathe again! Still woozy, you manage to
give him a tiny healthpack while regaining consciousness.
Just M2: Rolled
2Grabbing as much scrap metal as you can, you try to make your howitzer bigger and longer. However, the extension fails to stay erect
if you get my drift and
collapses. On your head. Ouch....maybe try research next time?
Twix: Rolled
3Everything that’s cute is a living thing! The rototank is annoyed that you doubt its sentience, so it shakes violently, causing
you to drop your bandages. It then crushes them under its tracks and pouts.
The Murderous Cop: Rolled
3You break out the snacks and try to get everyone to heal up. Unfortunately, no one likes turpentine-flavoured potato chips or sawdust-centered chocolates, so
your feast is completely ignored.Cybertails1998: Rolled
3You rig up the nearest river, which happens to be a tiny stream, with a water pump. The miserable trickle of water which flows through manages to travel ten meters and slightly moistens the ground, causing earthworms to crawl out.
It doesn’t travel even close to the battle taking place a few kilometres away, though. Hey, at least you have a splendid piece of farmland now!
CRITAWAKETS: Rolled
3 (I’m starting to think random.org is a cruel website)
The gunsmith who sold you your revolver seems to have outsourced his job to the electronics store, and you shoot the tank with the DSLR-357-LX revolving lens camera, taking several magnificent photographs.
No real damage from the flashes, though.
SubDaWoofer: Rolled
1You try once more to find cover. Seeing the wreck of the KV-2, you try to hide behind it. However, the rube Goldberg machine inside which the crew were planning to use for the commander’s birthday party finishes its run, and the tank’s leftover ammunition explodes,
catching you in the blast. Thankfully, your rhino skin stops you from evaporating. Happy birthday, unnamed Russian commander.
Tber123: Rolled
5You rush up to the side of the ratte and plant several dozen sticky bombs on its armor. Summoning twenty drug dealers worth of adrenalin into your legs, you haul ass the forget out of there before they all blow up. Just then…
…two Tiger IIs drive up from behind the Ratte, scraping off your stickybombs and taking the brunt of the damage!! (42 and 47 damage respectively)
The Tiger IIs drive to the front, spraying machinegun fire everywhere. The Ratte, armor gone, retreats far behind under the cover of the Tigers. It continues bombarding you from long range with its massive battleship cannons.
UNTIL BOTH TIGER IIS ARE DEAD, THE RATTE CANNOT BE HARMED.Good luck.
Clownfish: Rolled
6You bemoan the head-splitting headache and raise your hands again. Your infinite exasperation is channelled into your magic missile, causing you to fire two extra-strong magic missiles at the tanks, dealing
61 and 59 damage to them. In exchange,
your migraine gets worse, and you feel as though you are giving birth to 17 children through your skull.
Redconer: Rolled
2You count the number of wounded and realise you’ll need a lot of first-aid kits. While trying to carry a stack of 28 first-aid kits, you trip and fall, spilling their contents into the mud and
stubbing your toe while you’re at it.NotBomberGuy: Rolled
4Your lucky socks fit your feet just a little more comfortably, but unfortunately they still do not let you break the laws of physics. You pitch a normal-speed baseball which
does 50 damage to the second Tiger II.ZeUberMedic: Rolled
5You fire a cluster shell at the tanks. The cluster shell explodes into more cluster shells, which then explode and
deal 57 and 53 damage to the Tigers!Shinyareus4: Rolled
2The stick sees you approach it angrily and
pre-emptively jabs you in the crotch. Looks like it really doesn’t want to be used by you, huh?
Notorious B.I.G. Rolled
3You send out the order for a large air force base to be built, filled with boeing 747s and 727s. The D.O.D wants to know why the hell you would fill a military base with commercial airliners and
rejects your order.Crazies alt: Rolled
1You get into the barrel of ZeUberMedic’s big howitzer and launch yourself at the tank, going at around Mach 1!
As you splat on the tank and become a fountain of chunky salsa, what’s left of your brain reflects on its life decisions up to this point.
humans do not make good projectilesTableSalt: Rolled
6You flip off RNJesus.
He eats your hand, then heals it for no particular reason.The immense surge of RNG from his aura fills you with luck!
For the next four turns, any 1 you roll will count as a 5.JamesH: Rolled
4You grab an exploding star and hurl it at the tanks. Unfortunately, the star you just threw was Justin Beiber, whose explosive outburst causes the tigers to
each take 20 mental damage before they crush him under their tracks.
Microsoft EDGE: Rolled
5You get so angry at the Tiger II's crews that you spontaneously learn German and scold the tanks through a megaphone. Your intense verbal abuse causes the gunners' necks to break, and the crews undergo panic while they try to replace the gunner.
60 and 53 damage!
ADDITIONAL RESULTS
A nuke will impact in 1 turn! Don't worry, it won't hit you guys anymore.
Tiger II (alpha)HP: 1000/1000 (Armor: 510/750)
Ratte's personal guard. Not too happy to see you.
Tiger II (beta)HP: 1000/1000 (Armor: 468/750)
Ratte's personal guard. Not too happy about being listed second.
Landkreuzer P.1000 Ratte (incomplete)
HP: 2000/2000 (Armor:
0/1000)
The thousand-ton monster here to crush your hopes and dreams.
The Tiger IIs are protecting the Ratte! Kill them first if you want to hit it.The Tigers, having just arrived, start to take aim. The Ratte begins its loading sequence again...
PLAYERS:tber123:
4/3Twix:
1/3 [Flak Cannon active] [Shield HP: 3/3]Mr Queeba:
2/3Cybertails1998:
2/3 Big-ass umbrella 6/6NotBomberGuy:
3/3MoltenKitten:
3/3Space1255:
3/3 Clone health:
2/3Rabbot32:
2/3TristianLuigi:
3/3 cromartini:
2/3kidplasma:
3/3crazies alt:
why would you launch yourself at a tankeboyblue10:
1/3 1/3 [Tactical Vest Equipped] Weaponized UCG's hatred
SubDaWoofer:
1/3 Armor 1/3 (dire-rhino skin) Juncoph:
3/3CRITAWAKETS:
1/3Potatoh:
2/3Notorious B.I.G:
2/3 Hiding in a fallout shelter
GrapeJellyToastMan:
3/3Man of Greenish:
3/3}]Crazy[{:
3/3 Somemong:
1/3Nix the Glaceon:
2/3Redconer:
1/3JamesH:
1/3 [Supernova Ready]Microsoft EDGE:
3/3Pngu12970:
3/3Deoxys And One Noob:
4/3Gojira:
3/3crazies alt:
2/3Rigel:
2/3ZeUberMedic:
1/3Malleo100:
3/3TableSalt:
1/3 RNJesus' blessing! 1 becomes 5 (four turns remaining)Just M2:
2/3shinyarceus4:
2/3Clownfish:
1/3ALLIES:Mark. V Heavy:
3/3Daemon Prince:
3/3M2’s Howitzer:
3/3ZeUberMedic's BIG Howitzer:
3/3Twix's Rototank:
3/3KV-2:
Destroyed by the PrecursorBUILDINGS:Amazon Prime TerminalTM:
3/3CRIT's Fortress:
3/3Mobile Command Center: 14/14
GrapeJellyToastMan's Compound: Destroyed by the Precursor
CRITAWAKET's P.S.V: freaking blammed itself
Poll