ATTACK RESULTS
Clownfish: Rolled
2You pop open your magic migraine medication. The medication does what it says and gives you a magic migraine, and
your brain is destroyed from the triple headache.Space1255: Rolled
1 (Clone rolled
2)
You make sure to confirm the identity of your sword before using it. But the armorslayer is so heavy that even together, you and your clone can barely lift it. The weight ends up
dislocating your clone’s shoulders and crushing most of your ribs when you try to swing it. ZeUberMedic: Rolled
6You high-tail it to the fallout shelter. You move so fast that you generate air currents which compress and reinforce the shelter’s armored walls,
giving it 10 HP!Twix: Rolled
4The rototank accepts your apology and hands you an anti-materiel rifle, which you use to snipe the cupolas of the tanks for
20 damage each!
Notorious B.I.G:
Rolled 7 (assist +1)
You phone the D.O.D missile crew, who immediately launch a missile at the tank. The missile is struck by lightning while midair, and merges with several artillery shells to form a solid metal slug rocket-propelled downward at mach 2! It impacts like a hammer and
completely strips the first tank of all its armor, though it does not kill it outright.
Just M2: Rolled
3The bottle of Viagra blocks the barrel of the howitzer, causing the smoke round to detonate inside it.
A terrible smell emerges from the barrel afterward.
CRITAWAKETS: Rolled
4You launch a cobalt bomb at the tanks. When it explodes, you realised the core was not a nuclear bomb but a normal explosive, and it has no radioactive effect. The normal explosion still does
25 and 21 damage, though.Nix the Glaceon: Rolled
5The second tank graciously accepts your rose. As the crew members pass it around, they prick their fingers on the thorns! Their screams of pain resound and crack the tank’s armor, dealing
78 damage!NotBomberguy: Rolled
6You contact the Russian Government while piss-drunk. Being piss-drunk themselves, they recognize you as comrade, and launch big satan II missile to kill enemy.
ICBM arrive in 3 turn, yes. Mother Russia very stronk! You also get liver poisoning from the Russian-level alcohol.Redconer: Rolled
6Summoning strength from the Pringles man himself, you eat 20 cans of chips and
your body grows stronger than ever before!!SubdaWoofer: Rolled
6Your android body uncovers long-forgotten self-repair programs, which suck in the large amounts of scrap metal around to give you a
beefed-up buff-ass robo-beefcake body!TableSalt: Rolled
4You throw burning thermite darts at the first tank! The crew members get out the ceramic dishes they were using for schnitzelgruben, and hang them on the tank to block most of the burning, which only does
45 damage.kidplasma: Rolled
4You throw a handful of dirt at the second tank. The commander happens to be deathly afraid of earthworms, and reverses the tank hard into a rock! It
takes 41 damage from the bump.tber123:
Healed ClownfishYou get some aspirins from the medicine closet of the military compound and stuff them down Clownfish's throat. It works much better than weird magick-y stuff and cures his headaches like they weren't there.
GrapeJellyToastMan: Rolled
6The wisdom of
Solomon! The strength of
Hercules! The love appeal of
Rasputin! The musical talent of
Offenbach! The weed of a
Nigerian drug dealer! The face of
Kappa! The man-ness of a
man!
He is… SHRONK-man!
You are now very very shronk.cromartini: Rolled
3Your comrades hear your voice, and look at the sky, the ground, the bush next to you, and the sumo wrestler crouching behind your leg, but fail to see your net. You say ‘go’,
to no effect.JamesH: Rolled
4The railgun is indeed strong enough to hold a supernova dividing by zero, but the universe is too busy calculating the division to let you fire it. The light from the supernova
manages to deal 46 damage to the second tank, though.
Microsoft EDGE: Rolled
4You clone Redconer 20 times and brand them the "Pringle Squad"! They fan out into two teams and bull-rush the Tigers. Being clones, they are unarmed, and after five minutes of frenzied fist-pounding
dealing 21 damage to both tanks, they are gunned down by machine-gun fire.
ADDITIONAL EFFECTS
Notorious B.I.G's nuke finally impacts the battleground!! In the nuclear fireball, the German armor is not well-suited for the nuclear explosion, and both tanks take 200 damage, while the Ratte, being quite far away, only takes 20.
A Satan II ICBM will arrive in 3 turns! It covers an area the size of France, so you might really want to take cover this time.
Tiger II (alpha)
HP: 709/1000 (Armor:
0/750)
Ratte's personal guard. Not too happy to see you.
Tiger II (beta)
HP: 1000/1000 (Armor:
41/750)
Ratte's personal guard. Not too happy about being listed second.
Landkreuzer P.1000 Ratte (incomplete)
HP: 1980/2000 (Armor:
0/1000)
The thousand-ton monster here to crush your hopes and dreams.
The Tiger IIs are protecting the Ratte! Kill them first if you want to hit it.The Tiger IIs decide to concentrate their efforts on one target.
They both fire on tber123, dealing 2 damage each and blasting his organs into the distance!!The Ratte aims its battleship cannons like a global elite csgo player and snipes the forget out of
Deoxys and One Noob, flattening him in a house-sized explosion!!
PLAYERS:tber123:
organ location failureTwix:
1/3 [Flak Cannon active] [Shield HP: 3/3]Mr Queeba:
2/3Cybertails1998:
2/3 Big-ass umbrella 6/6NotBomberGuy:
3/3MoltenKitten:
3/3Space1255:
1/3 Clone health:
1/3Rabbot32:
2/3TristianLuigi:
3/3 cromartini:
2/3kidplasma:
3/3crazies alt:
why would you launch yourself at a tankeboyblue10:
1/3 1/3 [Tactical Vest Equipped] Weaponized UCG's hatred
SubDaWoofer:
4/3 Armor 1/3 (dire-rhino skin) Juncoph:
3/3CRITAWAKETS:
1/3Potatoh:
2/3Notorious B.I.G:
2/3 Hiding in fallout shelter
GrapeJellyToastMan:
SHRONK-man (3 turns remaining)Man of Greenish:
3/3}]Crazy[{:
eaten by his altSomemong:
1/3Nix the Glaceon:
2/3Redconer:
4/3JamesH:
1/3 [Supernova Ready]Microsoft EDGE:
3/3Pngu12970:
3/3Deoxys And One Noob:
kablammoGojira:
3/3crazies alt:
2/3Rigel:
2/3ZeUberMedic:
1/3 Hiding in fallout shelter
Malleo100:
3/3TableSalt:
1/3 RNJesus' blessing! 1 becomes 5 (3 turns remaining)Just M2:
2/3shinyarceus4:
2/3Clownfish:
3/3ALLIES:Mark. V Heavy:
3/3Daemon Prince:
3/3M2’s Howitzer:
3/3ZeUberMedic's BIG Howitzer:
3/3Twix's Rototank:
3/3KV-2:
Destroyed by the PrecursorBUILDINGS:Amazon Prime TerminalTM:
3/3CRIT's Fortress:
3/3Mobile Command Center: 14/14
Notorious B.I.G's Shelter: 10/10
GrapeJellyToastMan's Compound: Destroyed by the Precursor
CRITAWAKET's P.S.V: freaking blammed itself
Poll