The Deal: Revisited [History Repeats Itself]

[ZeÜberMedic!]

Yeah ask the boss for jobs in the alps.

[Ad Bot]

[tber123]

> SCREAM INTO THE PHONE WHEN YOU CALL YOUR BOSS

You dial your boss's phone number and start screaming into the phone.

"The Alps, eh? Alright. I need you to deliver a suitcase there. Do not open the suitcase. Do not lose the suitcase. Do not let the suitcase get too badly damaged. Wait at the golf course at the retirement center and I'll have someone pick you up. They'll give you the suitcase on your way to the Alps."

> GO BACK TO THE GOLF COURSE

Done. You wait patiently.

> LOOT THE CORPSES WHILE YOU ARE AT IT

You go back to the corpses of all the hitmen that tried to kill you previously. You discover:

A letter ordering the hitmen to hunt down and kill you.
Several suppressed Colt 1911 pistols.
A mysterious device with a red button on it and some strange insignia. The red button is labelled "DISARM TRAP".
An intact Kevlar vest that will protect you from gunfire.


> LOOT COLT PISTOL, MYSTERIOUS DEVICE, KEVLAR VEST

Done.

> EXAMINE DEAD HITMEN NOW

You take a good look at some of the hitmen trying to kill you and realize that they all look familiar... In fact, they look just exactly like your grandfather, but twenty years younger! As you struggle to wrap your head around the thought of someone sending clones, possibly brainwashed, of your beloved grandfather to kill you, a helicopter lands nearby.

"You John McClass? There's a suitcase inside the chopper. We're going to fly to the Alps!" The chopper pilot yells.

> _

Your inventory contains a silver, expandable entrepreneur  staff, phone, hammer, some string, a magnet, a magazine called The Manly Man's Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse, a movie poster for BRUTALITY, an article about Protagonist Syndrome, a wallet with several hundred dollars, a manual for building a flare minigun, a rubber ducky, a gas mask, a suppressed Colt 1911, a Kevlar Vest, a mysterious device labelled "DISARM TRAP", and a nuclear authentication disk.

You are wearing civilian clothes and a Rolex watch.

You are healthy. Everything is wet and cold from the heavy rain. You've got a cold.


>

[Space1255]

Half-press the button

[cromartini]

Half-press the button

What ? A button press is an button press. There is no HALF-pressing the button.
Also get to the helicopter.

[tber123]

> PRESS BUTTON

You press the button. "ERROR: OUT OF RANGE TO DISARM TRAP." An automated voice on the button spits out

> GET IN CHOPPER

You get into the helicopter and take off.

"Alps, here we come!" The pilot yells. "The Boss wants you to meet up with the leader of this village by a cave and deliver the suitcase. You'll know him when you see him! He's wearing a crown and a fancy robe! It'll be a while until we get to the destination, so just hang on!"

Hang on in there, Grandpa. You're coming.

> _

Your inventory contains a silver, expandable entrepreneur  staff, phone, hammer, some string, a magnet, a magazine called The Manly Man's Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse, a movie poster for BRUTALITY, an article about Protagonist Syndrome, a wallet with several hundred dollars, a manual for building a flare minigun, a rubber ducky, a gas mask, a suppressed Colt 1911, a Kevlar Vest, a mysterious device labelled "DISARM TRAP", a nuclear authentication disk, and a very important suitcase.

You are wearing civilian clothes and a Rolex watch.

You are healthy. Everything is wet and cold from the heavy rain. You've got a cold.


>

[cromartini]

Pull out that torn picture of your family and look at it dramaticly serveral minutes before you arrive.
Also monologue in your brain about grandpa.

[Space1255]

Cue flashbacks if grabdpa

[Potatoh]

Call a taxi

[tber123]

> LOOK AT TORN FAMILY PICTURE FOR SEVERAL MINUTES

You dig into your pockets and find a torn picture of your family that you always had (but forgot about), which instantly triggers a flood of memories. When you were six, the dog somehow shot and killed dad when he was out hunting. When you were eight, the dog got ran over and died slowly on your birthday. When you were ten, your aunt snapped and tried to rebel against the United States by forcefully reclaiming lost Native American land, and she got the electric chair. When you were eleven, your uncle accidentally ran over the new puppy you just adopted with a tractor, crippling it. When you were thirteen, your mother accidentally ran over your uncle with a combine harvester, nearly killing him. When you were fourteen, the bullies at school took you to the parking lot and beat you over the head with crowbars. When you were sixteen, your siblings were abducted by terrorists and forced to Self Delete bomb the maternity ward of a hospital. When you were seventeen, several gunmen entered the school and forced you to watch as they executed your only friends one by one.

Grandpa was always there to comfort you after every single traumatic event in your life, and he was the most "normal" person in the family, relatively speaking. Because he was the least forgeted up person in your family, you hung out with him the most. It all came to an end when Grandpa mysteriously disappeared one day, with the only clue to his disappearance being a hastily scribbled note about unfinished business that needed to be resolved immediately. Grandpa promised to come back within six months, but he never did. You've tried to look for him whenever you could on a job, but finding someone who left no clues to his whereabouts is... Difficult, to say the least. You've given up on looking for him a long time ago, but the fact that someone is sending clones of him to kill you has reignited the spark.

Grandpa is alive. And he's out there, somewhere. Someone captured him and started forcibly cloning him. How else can you explain the clones trying to kill you?

> CALL TAXI

You call a taxi. To your dismay, the taxicabs cannot fly, and you cannot be picked up in mid-air by a taxi.

> ARE WE THERE YET

Yes. The chopper touches down, and you disembark from it. You find yourself in a fairly large village, and immediately notice a really, really tall building that is several degrees fancier from the rest. Several villagers are walking about and minding their own business.

> CAUTIOUSLY WHIP OUT PLASMA RIFLE

You don't have your plasma rifle. You left it behind at the car, along with your companions.

> LOOK AT THE TYPES OF BUILDINGS IN THE VILLAGE

You see:

The really fancy building. It's probably where the village leader lives. And where you're supposed to deliver the suitcase.
A bar. You hear several drunken men cheering at something.
A hotel. In the middle of a village. Don't question it.
A gun store with a shooting range in the back. You hear people testing out various firearms.
A lab. You hear muffled screaming and maniacal cackling.
A club.
A laundromat. You see a bunch of suspicious guys in weird uniforms walking around inside.
A shop. Some merchant is selling the meat of an animal he just butchered recently.
Some guy's house. The windows and doors are open and unlocked, and you see several valuable items being openly displayed.
A building with a very large sign that says "WE CAN FIND ANY ONE AT ANY TIME - FIRST FIND IS FREE".
A hospital.
A police station.
A radio station.

This village is surprisingly modern from what you would expect. You'd question why a village on the alps has all this stuff, but it's not worth it, and you'll never get an answer, anyways.

It is surprisingly cold in the alps. You are likely to turn into a human Popsicle.

> _

Your inventory contains a silver, expandable entrepreneur  staff, phone, hammer, some string, a magnet, a magazine called The Manly Man's Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse, a movie poster for BRUTALITY, an article about Protagonist Syndrome, a wallet with several hundred dollars, a manual for building a flare minigun, a rubber ducky, a gas mask, a suppressed Colt 1911, a Kevlar Vest, a mysterious device labelled "DISARM TRAP", a nuclear authentication disk, and a very important suitcase.

You are wearing civilian clothes and a Rolex watch.

You are healthy. You've got a cold. You're going to freeze to death unless you put on some more layers.


>

[cromartini]

Thats no usual town, thats the Die Scheiße Festung des Schicksals, the last national socialist town fortress. Your grandpa delivered Riddler's DNA (which he later destroyed). They make national socialist cyborgs, robots and giant loving death machines, your grandpa had no idea how any of those are concealed from the public.
We must be silent unless we want to be executed on the spot.

[Space1255]

Put some clothes on.
Whip out your yugioh deck and forget the drunk guys up with the Winged Dragon of Ra

[tber123]

> THIS IS CLEARLY A national socialist FORTRESS IN DISGUISE

Looks like a regular village on the Alps to me. No giant national socialist Death Machines are visible or audible. It's too early to tell if this really is a secret national socialist fortress.

> PUT SOME CLOTHES ON

You are already wearing clothes. Your clothes are not sufficient enough to prevent freezing to death.

> GO TO THE MERCHANT AND BUY CLOTHES ALONG WITH A YUGIOH DECK

You buy some winter clothes and a killer Yugioh deck that will forget anyone up.

> GO TO THE BAR AND forget UP THE DRUNKS WITH YOUR KILLER DECK

You head to the bar and challenge the drunks to a Yugioh duel. None of them know what Yugioh is.

> EAVESDROP ON EVERYONE IN THE BAR

You tune in to the conversations going on around you and hear:

A bunch of drunks talking about the soccer game on the TV.

A bartender arguing with a customer about Blue Meanie's legacy.

A bunch of guys sitting around the table talking about a Communist conspiracy to take over the United States.

A woman talking to her friend about the weird old guy that's been living here for a few years now.

A salesman advertising "Anti-Robot" rounds designed specifically for killing robots with ease to a customer.

A figure in a trenchcoat whispering something into a radio that you can't hear over everyone else.



> _

Your inventory contains a silver, expandable entrepreneur  staff, phone, hammer, some string, a magnet, a magazine called The Manly Man's Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse, a movie poster for BRUTALITY, an article about Protagonist Syndrome, a wallet with several hundred dollars, a manual for building a flare minigun, a rubber ducky, a gas mask, a suppressed Colt 1911, a Kevlar Vest, a mysterious device labelled "DISARM TRAP", a nuclear authentication disk, civilian clothes, and a very important suitcase.

You are wearing winter clothes and a Rolex watch.

You are healthy.


>

[cromartini]

Do you still have the bowler hat ?

If yes ok then

If no get one

OT:

Agree with the bartender on what he thinks about Blue Meanie's legacy
Dissagree with the communist conspiracy
Go and ask the women for the "Old guy" also, hit on them.

[tber123]

> DO WE HAVE BOWLER HAT

No. You've brought great dishonor to the McClass family by not wearing a bowler hat, and should commit seppuku.

> STEAL BOWLER HAT FROM TRENCHCOAT FIGURE

You tiptoe behind the trenchcoat guy whispering into his radio and pickpocket a bowler hat off of his head. Pickpocket increased to 99!

> EQUIP BOWLER HAT

Done. You've reclaimed the honor of your family.

> AGREE WITH THE BARTENDER

"I'm telling ya, man. Blue Meanie was loving worthless and doesn't even have a decent legacy." The bartender argues with a customer.

"No, no no. Blue Meanie was great. He loving made Italy great again, and then they shot him dead and made Italy terrible again." The customer spits back. He is covered in all sorts of tattoos and is bald.

You step into the conversation and side with the bartender. Two against one! The customer has clearly lost the argument. Despairing over the loss, he begins to drown his sorrows.

"Thanks for helping me out there. I owe you one." The bartender replies.

> ASK ABOUT THE OLD GUY

"Excuse me, miss. You were talking about a weird old guy?"

"Yeah. This paranoid bowler-hat wearing weirdo has been living here for the last six years. He's been hanging around with a few of the more unpleasant people in our community for quite a while now, and I always spot him in the laundromat. He comes in there early in the morning and doesn't come out until late at night. I don't know what the hell goes in in there, but I do hear strange noises. Nobody else wants to know what the noises are, so they just ignore it."

> TALK TO COMMUNIST CONSPIRACY GUYS

You find the guys discussing their Communist plot to take over the United States and assure them that America will never be tainted by Communist impurity. They laugh at your remarks and go back to discussing their plans.

> SEDUCE WOMEN

You drop a pickup line on the woman you were talking to.

"I'm big where it counts." You say.

"You're big everywhere." A sarcastic reply is all that you get, followed by being ignored.

> _

Your inventory contains a silver, expandable entrepreneur  staff, phone, hammer, some string, a magnet, a magazine called The Manly Man's Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse, a movie poster for BRUTALITY, an article about Protagonist Syndrome, a wallet with several hundred dollars, a manual for building a flare minigun, a rubber ducky, a gas mask, a suppressed Colt 1911, a Kevlar Vest, a mysterious device labelled "DISARM TRAP", a nuclear authentication disk, civilian clothes, and a very important suitcase.

You are wearing winter clothes, a bowler hat, and a Rolex watch.

You are healthy.


>

[LuigiBoi]

Ask the suspicious man if he knows anything about mime combat