The Deal: Revisited [History Repeats Itself]

[tber123]

> LITERALLY BECOME VOMITUS stuffIMUS

Who the forget is that?

> A BEING OF LITERAL VOMIT AND stuff

That's not physically possible.

> JUST KEEP DOING WHAT YOURE DOING

You continue vomiting and defecating as the less-than-lethal grenades continue flying through the air, landing directly at your feet. Unsurprisingly, they all explode. You are now blind, inhaling tear gas, and in massive pain after taking several high-speed rubber balls to the testicles. Stinger grenades are nasty.

> DO YOUR loving JOB

You'd love to do your job, but you have no idea where to deliver the loving suitcase. All you know about the job is that you're supposed to deliver it to the village leader.

> FLEE TO THE BATHROOM

You resist the massive amounts of pain smacking you around and blindly limp your way to the bathroom. Your vision returns a few seconds later.

> CRAWL THROUGH AN AIR VENT

You toss yourself into a nearby airvent and start crawling away. You find yourself behind the bar. There is a nearby police officer puking his guts out behind the dumpster. He does not notice you.

> HEAD FOR THE LAB

While the cops are busy searching the entire bar, you make a run for the lab. Surprisingly, nobody spotted you on your way there.

You enter the lab. All the lights are out, and you hear someone deeper inside cackling maniacally. Something in your inventory begins vibrating violently.

> _

Your inventory contains a phone, hammer, some string, a magnet, a magazine called The Manly Man's Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse, a movie poster for BRUTALITY, an article about Protagonist Syndrome, a wallet with several hundred dollars, a manual for building a flare minigun, a rubber ducky, a gas mask, a suppressed Colt 1911, a Kevlar Vest, a mysterious device labelled "DISARM TRAP", a nuclear authentication disk, civilian clothes, a broken beer bottle, and a very important suitcase. One of your inventory items is vibrating violently.

You are wearing winter clothes, a bowler hat, and a Rolex watch. You are disguised as your long-dead brother.

You have major wounds. You are missing a few teeth. You are in massive pain from being hit in the groin with a stinger grenade. Your pain may distract you at the most inconvenient times.


>

[Ad Bot]

[DELL]

I take the magazine out of the Colt 1911 and begin to violently smash it with a hammer for no apparent reason (with all the bullets inside)

[NotBomberguy]

jarate

[Superfun909]

wait for the pain to stop, so it won't get in your way

[Refticus]

check if it's your vibrator that is vibrating.
then check your phone by screaming directly into it, whoever's on the other end will know what you're talking about

[cromartini]

Go to the cybernitcs part and get robo: Arms legs and boner.

[Space1255]

shove phone up ass and vomit it.

[cromartini]

shove phone up ass and vomit it.

There we go again.

[Refticus]

shove phone up ass and vomit it.

then eat phone then stuff it out

[Space1255]

then eat phone then stuff it out

Begin the cycle

[tber123]

> UNLOAD COLT 1911 AND DESTROY ALL THE AMMO

You take the magazine out of the Colt 1911 and begin to violently smash it with a hammer for no apparent reason, disarming yourself before the Liberals can do so with gun control regulations.

Your Colt 1911 cannot be used to shoot people any more.

> CHECK VIBRATOR

You don't have one.

> SCREAM INTO PHONE

You scream into your phone again. Nobody replies back.

> WAIT OUT THE PAIN

You attempt to wait out the pain. Half an hour passes, and during that half hour some guy still continues cackling.

It still hurts.

> SHOVE PHONE UP ASS AND VOMIT IT

Really? Here we go again. You do exactly that.

> EAT PHONE AND stuff IT OUT

The cycle begins.

> CONTINUE THE CYCLE UNTIL IT NO LONGER HURTS

Another hour passes. The pain fades away to the point where it is bearable, and won't affect your combat abilities.

> PISS IN JAR

You grab a nearby jar in the darkness and piss in it. Should I be questioning this?

Inventory item added: Jarate

> GO DEEPER INSIDE

You go deeper inside. Something in your inventory still continues vibrating, but you don't know what it is. The cackling gets louder as you get closer and closer.

> FIND SOMEONE TO GIVE US A ROBO BONER

You look around in the dark for another living soul, but you fail to find anything.

> YELL OUT AND WAIT FOR A RESPONSE

"ANYONE OUT THERE?" You scream. Suddenly, the cackling in the background stops. Something in your inventory begins BEEPING rapidly and vibrating even harder. Someone shouts out something in Italian, and you start hearing footsteps all around you. You hear the sound of guns being locked and loaded, night vision goggles turning on, and strange, mechanical sounds...

... And then you heard something alarming. A faint, familiar voice sounding out among all the other noises, barely managing to avoid being drowned out. You've heard that voice before, but who's voice could that be? You know that the voice is familiar, but the voice is too quiet for you to identify who exactly it belongs to.

> OPEN FIRE WITH THE COLT

You whip out the Colt 1911 and blindly wave it around in the dark while pulling the trigger.





It's empty, remember?

> _

Your inventory contains a phone, hammer, some string, a magnet, a magazine called The Manly Man's Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse, a movie poster for BRUTALITY, an article about Protagonist Syndrome, a wallet with several hundred dollars, a manual for building a flare minigun, a rubber ducky, a gas mask, a suppressed Colt 1911 with no ammo, a Kevlar Vest, a mysterious device labelled "DISARM TRAP", a nuclear authentication disk, civilian clothes, a broken beer bottle, a bottle of jarate, and a very important suitcase. One of your inventory items is vibrating even harder and beeping rapidly.

You are wearing winter clothes, a bowler hat, and a Rolex watch. You are disguised as your long-dead brother.

You have major wounds. You are missing a few teeth.


>

[Space1255]

Puke out the buzzing item
Check briefcase

[Refticus]

keep on clicking your gun while putting your phone up your ass, vomiting it out, then putting it back up your ass.

[bobbygordon4]

Press the button on the disarm trap device.

[tber123]

> CHECK BRIEFCASE

You whip out the suitcase you were supposed to deliver to the village leader. It's not vibrating or beeping.

The vibrations and beeps intensify, and get louder.

> KEEP DOING THE CYCLE BUT ADD IN AN EXTRA STEP

Ok. What is the extra step?

> KEEP CLICKING THE GUN

You keep clicking your empty gun while doing... THE CYCLE™.

Whatever is vibrating is now shaking with the force of an earthquake. The beeping noise is now as loud as someone shrieking.

> OPEN BRIEFCASE

The boss said not to. Are you sure?

Shaking continues to intensify. Beeping noise gets so fast that it sounds like one constant, continuous noise now.

> YES

You open the suitcase. At that exact moment, something explodes in your face, causing you to separate into several different pieces and scatter in all directions. Either the suitcase has a mechanism to kill the opener if he isn't the village leader, or the lab itself is the trap. Either way, you're dead.

*** You have died. GAME OVER. ***
You never did discover what happened to your grandfather. Your missing grandfather is one of several unanswered mysteries, such as these:

What happened to Gloria the Glorious and her attempted lovebot revolution that you escaped from?
What happened to the companions that you left behind?
Why was the salesman selling anti-robot rounds? What are communists doing in the village?
How can you be sure that the security guard is actually dead, or even the pleasure bot?
Why is this village next to a cave so ludicrously large and modern?
What the hell is going on inside the lab?
Where do your inventory items go? How come nobody can see where your stuff is being stored?
How are you able to constantly brown townly eat a phone and vomit it out without suffering any side effects like dehydration or getting sick?
And many more.

Reloading autosave...


> DISARM TRAP

You take out the trap-disarming device and realize that it's been vibrating and beeping the whole time. You hit the button and disarm the trap... Whatever it was.

Meanwhile, gunshots start ringing out in the lab. Brilliant muzzle flashes provide brief bursts of illumination, exposing the grimacing faces of your attackers, who are intent on filling you full of lead. Bullets impact the metal walls around you as the first hail of gunfire narrowly misses you.

> SHOOT BACK

You have no ammo for your Colt 1911.

> SLAP ON KEVLAR VEST

You make a smart move and put on the kevlar vest. As long as these guys don't shoot you in the face, you'll be fine.

> _

Your inventory contains a phone, hammer, some string, a magnet, a magazine called The Manly Man's Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse, a movie poster for BRUTALITY, an article about Protagonist Syndrome, a wallet with several hundred dollars, a manual for building a flare minigun, a rubber ducky, a gas mask, a suppressed Colt 1911 with no ammo, a mysterious device labelled "DISARM TRAP", a nuclear authentication disk, civilian clothes, a broken beer bottle, a bottle of jarate, and a very important suitcase.

You are wearing winter clothes, a bowler hat, a Kevlar Vest, and a Rolex watch. You are disguised as your long-dead brother.

You have major wounds. You are missing a few teeth.


>