Man, reading this topic is such an emotional rollercoaster. I remember joining in 2010 on the forums after finding out about the demo and just being an absolute maniac because I was a kid with no friends and almost no mental capacity for a social identity. I got banned after shortly joining for good reasons. Then I bought the game, waited another year, and made this account and was less of a forget-ass, but still lacked any sort of normie social complex. Which is pretty common being a kid on the internet anyways.
It really made me realize how much of an effect it had on me all these years. It didn't really better my behavior or personality during this period. At the time, my understanding of how people interact with one another was a joke because all I had learned from this game and this forum was that; unless you were some top name on the forums that posted a lot or had some self-righteous views, knew how to code, model, just have a cool server, or was older than 12; no one wanted to be your friend or much less talk to you. At best I'd usually get a "kys" or someone would make fun of my name, what server I was hosting, or keep me from enjoying a server. This made me spiteful and an starfish. I remember being an admin on multiple sort of "big name" servers like Xalos and Cat123 and just being an absolute cunt.
Of course some of the attitude here could've been taken with a grain of salt. However, it's much more impactful when this game and these forums are your only social outlet and you have a stuffty lonely home life that is inescapable for most, if not, all of your time here. I for sure did not help in any way in eradicating this behavior, but in the end it wouldn't have mattered because of how Badspot treated his community anyways. After I had stopped paying any attention to this game in 2016, my life started getting better. I made friends with people who didn't know anything about this game. Very slowly but surely I feel like I'm becoming a better, more logical and rational person as time goes on.
I feel like I keep coming back because I want to feel the feeling that I had when I was a kid coming out of school to hang out on blockland and have fun. Bickering with people online and attempting to be like said "cool people" and make add-ons that eventually went nowhere. Or even just hopping on a server I was an admin on and try to keep it somewhat civilized in my own forgeted up mindset that was molded by this community and thinking I was actually making a difference. Or maybe come up with some cool new idea that'll go nowhere because there's no people to make it or play it.
While I was growing up I found it more acceptable for everyone else and less expecting of myself to just not bother talking, make content, admin, or try to make friends. I was silent my entire highschool period. I stopped talking to all of the people I thought were friends on this game and interacting with the community in the best way I thought would help. I didn't completely stop but it sure was enough to ruin potentially good friendships and career paths. Although as stated before, becoming an adult and finding myself, away from this game mind you, I am not who I was once. Not before I bought the game and definitely not before took my attention away in 2016. And I am happy where I'm currently at and I cannot say that without a doubt, this game and these forums pretty much shaped who I am today. Without any of this I could not say where I would be, who I would be, or what I would be doing.
Although, I am saddened that I don't carry these pseudo-friendships I thought were real and once had. I'm also saddened I never really finished any of my add-ons. Fortunately I still talk to one person who I enjoyed playing with occasionally, but it doesn't feel the same as when I was younger. None of this does.
