My first (and last) time trying weed was different than any other drug ive tried. I don't know if I'm really sensitive to it, took too much, or if it was laced, but it is something I never want to experience again.
I took two hits and then waited. My face got really red, and I couldn't stop throwing up. I threw up to the point where there was literally nothing in my stomach, and I was still throwing up. I don't know why. After half an hour, it just stopped, and I started to feel better.
Everything seemed fine, and I went to my bed to try to rest. (Throwing up that long hurt.) Then I was just lying in bed, and the earth started slowly shaking. It was slow at first, but everything kept getting shakier and shakier. I thought it was an earthquake at first, but then I realized I must be hallucinating and just tried to lay there.
Nothing would stop shaking, and my heart was racing a lot. Then all hell broke loose; it was like the earth shook so much it started to spin, and then my reality tore. I knew I was still there in my room, but there were so many colors moving. I don't know how to describe it, but it was beautiful. Then I just stared at the ceiling while these colors moved all over the room. It was actually kind of nice. I wish I could explain it, but it's not just hallucinations. I could feel them; I didn't just see them, but I could feel everything moving.
And then I got up. Getting up was not nice at all.
It felt like rubber-banding in multiplayer games; that's the only way I could describe it. I took two or three steps, and I could see my body move, but I was not in it. Then I snapped into my body. Sometimes I was where I walked, and sometimes I hadnt moved at all. And then I took more steps. It was extremely disorienting, and I didn't know where I was. I knew I was in my room, but I didn't know where. I wish I could explain it better. Either way, walking felt like an eternity.
Eventually, I managed to get back into bed. Then everything started shaking again. This time gentler, if that makes sense, but it was pretty horrifying. I don't know why, but my heart wouldn't stop racing, and I genuinely thought I was going to die. Then I felt something on me, and I thought it was my consciousness leaving my body, or something trying to get into my body. Eventually, I realized it was just my dog laying by me. I tried to calm down, but my heart just kept racing.
Then I stared at the wall. That was better than earlier. Every once in a while, my heart would race again, but it would calm down. I didn't just see a lot of things going on; I felt a lot of things. It was different. I remember, at some point, there was like a flow in my spine. Like some sort of water moving in and out of me and in the room, like some sort of energy, but it felt wrong. So, I kept trying to realign the water by readjusting myself over and over again.
Eventually, I fell asleep.
It was a while ago, and I've tried to forget all of it, but that's what I still remember. While visually, I could still "get a grip" if I tried hard enough and know where I was and kinda move around, I heard so many things that I know weren't real.
The whole time I could hear my heartbeat, and everything blended. My room was quiet, but I remembering hearing like a blender, or a lawnmower or something like that, and it felt like it was right next to my face. Also Where my room is I can hear all the cars in the street, and I swear I could hear people in the cars, talking, like I was in the car. Also it wasnt just "hearing random noises". Everything blended together and sometimes it would replay or overlap. The best way I can describe the way things blended together while i heard them it is the intro to comfortably numb. Where the guy knocks on the door and says "time to go" once, but it starts looping while other voices and noises are in the background and it wont stop replaying itself. That kind of what it was it was like.
Looking back on it, it was somewhat cathartic to experience. But It was traumatizing in the moment. I was not ready for it, I was not expecting it. I dont know why but I was expecting very little hallucinations and a opiate-ish high.
For about three months I questioned reality. Ive never had anxiety in my life and for the next couple months I had extreme anxiety towards night. For a couple weeks I had straight up panic attacks in the evening. I dont know why, I tried to stop them but my heart just kept racing and I was shivering I dont think ive ever had a panic attack in my life until then. Mentally, I didnt know what was real and what wasnt. I was not prepared for all that to happen I believe I got some sort of ptsd from the event. I barely started to forget about the event 9-10ish months after it.
Threeish years later and all is well. Im just never going to try any hallucinogens again, not because I dont like or believe in them, but because I dont want that to happen again. Also I took them right after someone I loved died, and I was still trying to process that they were gone. That was probably very stupid of me.
Im glad I experienced it, as I didnt even know any of that was possible to experience, but I dont want to go through it again.
I have done other drugs though, but this year I havent taken any. I do not think they are good for me.