-If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
-Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
-Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
-Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out.
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win.
-Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
-There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
-A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
-When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
-Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
-It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
-Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
-There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
-Chuck Norris built Rome in a day.
-Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
-If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
-Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
-Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
-Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
-In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
-With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
-Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
-Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
-Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
-Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
-We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
-When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
-Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
-Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
-TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
-Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
-Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
-Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
-Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
