Installed my new graphics card. I'll abridge the whole ordeal for viewing enjoyment.
1. Oh man, there's a newegg box on my bed!
2. Unceremoniously rip out all dongles and monitor plugs, unplug computer and open 'er up.
3. hHOW DO I REMOVE THE OLD ONE
4. Manage to gingerly pry the old card out without snapping my motherboard.
5. ooOOOOH NO IT DOESN'T FIT
6. Smash out the tab on the back so it fits, barely wedging the card b'tween the RAM and the heatsink
7. Oh no, where is the matching power supply plugs >:OO. commence sulking and petting cats
8. Find matching plugs after attacking zip-ties with bolt cutter
9. Computer's on in 640x480, trudging through the process of fixin' the software
10. Immediately start FO:NV and make a nerdy character called "PCGAMIER PRO", whilst admiring the smooth FPS