I want to help her, I want to protect her, I care about her, but like every other form of affection or compassion directed at her it only makes my situation more dire. I feel like I'm losing my mind, I want to throw up, I want to curl into a ball and cry, I want to cuddle with anyone who would be willing at this point. It's not a battle to her but where I'm standing I feel like I'm losing. I've lived past the age of heroism and now I'm watching myself become the villain. My chest is screaming for rest yet it will not yield for even a moment to allow myself to sleep. For five days I have dealt with this pain, and still I endure. When is it alright to call it quits? Maybe I'm in over my head. Maybe that's what they want. More likely, I'm imagining demons where there are none. I'm being paranoid for the sake of paranoia, fear for the sake of being terrified, and causing myself unnecessary pain just because I like the feel of it. This isn't who I am. This isn't at all what I want.
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