ATTACK RESULTS
Just M2: Rolled
5As you smack the radio and shout angrily at the sky, cursing the army’s decision to outsource military production to Zimbabwe, you hear a rumble in the distance. A jeep pulls over and out of it steps a man in a yellow hard hat with a really long neck carrying a wrench. “Name’s Ivan Poe,” he says, “and I solve practical problems”.
Seems like you’ve got yourself an engineer.
Twix: Rolled
4You happen to see the 88mm from the Tiger I you blew up lying on the ground. Using a little combat mechanicking and a lot of duct tape, you graft it onto the rototank and fire at the second tank,
dealing 50 damage!Nix the Glaceon: Rolled
4Sneaking up under the second tank’s field of vision, you tape edgy slash fiction onto every periscope and window you can find. You hear screams of agony from inside the tank
which add up to 46 damage, but the commander gets out, rips them all off and stuffs them in a bag. “That’s some good stuff, thanks,” he says, before getting back in.
it seems there is a fanboyCybertails1998: Rolled
6A frickin’ 7 ton explosive shell suddenly flies down from the stratosphere and smacks the first tank right in the turret, exploding with the force of a thousand hippo farts and
dealing 145 damage!! The cupola flies off and smacks your umbrella, destroying the hibiscus garden, courtyard and three-ring-circus on the outer layer.
Notorious B.I.G:
Healed ZeUberMedicSomewhat ironically, ZeUberMedic is in need of healing yet again, and you slap a wad of band-aids across his face. It doesn’t seem to work, so you smack him with an alcohol-soaked rag, which wipes away his wounds like they were cheap temporary tattoos!!
SubDaWoofer: Rolled
3You proclaim your rebellious nature to the whole wide world and focus your inner energy into blamming the forget out of the tank. The whole wide world decides that your inner energy shouldn’t be let out, and
you feel as though you were constipated for a week.CRITAWAKETS: Rolled
6You pick up a random medkit that was lying on the ground and use it to heal yourself. It turns out to have been Chuck Norris’s personal medicine box, and the moment you open it,
your wounds vanish, your muscles expand to three times their size and you feel a strong urge to roundhouse kick something in the face. Space1255: Rolled
6 because I honestly feel bad for random.org bullying you
You and your clone perform an extremely complicated procedure involving 23 rubber bands and a toaster, bring
both of you back stronger than ever before!NotBomberGuy: Rolled
4You jump into the empty hole where the first tank’s cupola once was, and start beating up the crew! However, the loader punches you in the face. His muscles, trained from carrying tank shells every day, easily smack you out of the tank like a fly. You managed to deal
52 damage, though.Crazies alt: Rolled
4You take a deep REST and grow yourself to several times your size! You cause the nearby second tank to tilt a little, and when you shrink it comes back down,
taking 37 damage! You also wake up feeling a bit better.JamesH: Rolled
6You concentrate all your anger into the supernova contained within your body, and throw it at the tanks, creating a massive crater which lights up the solar system and
does 200 damage to both tanks!! However, the supernova completely leaves your body.
Redconer:
Revived tber123 You buy a lab coat and read the Cliff’s notes on reconstructive surgery before assembling tber123’s organs into a roughly blob-like shape and stuffing them back into his body. Sprinkling a little crushed pringles onto him, he springs back up, alive and (for a certain definition of it) well!
TableSalt: Rolled
2You dual-wield quadruple sawblade launchers in all eight of your two hands. The sheer weight overloads your multitasking hands, causing you to
drop the launchers which then fire into your feet. Ouch.GrapeJellyToastMan: Rolled
4You pick up the second tiger and use your SHRENGTH to throw it into the sky! It doesn’t quite make it to space, but you manage to kick it back down,
dealing 31 damage to both tanks!ZeUberMedic: Rolled
2You throw a grenade through the hole where the tiger’s cupola once was. The loader grabs it, douses it in water and throws it back out,
hitting you square in the head.Microsoft EDGE: Rolled
3You try to create a massive shield bubble to protect everyone from the ICBM, but end up creating a
very large soap bubble instead. Seriously, it was the size of a house. It's probably going in the Guinness world records or something.
ADDITIONAL EFFECTS
A Satan II ICBM will arrive in 2 turns! It covers an area the size of France, so you might really want to take cover this time.
Tiger II (alpha)HP:
281/1000 (Armor:
0/750)
Ratte's personal guard. Not too happy to see you.
Tiger II (beta)HP:
677/1000 (Armor:
0/750)
Ratte's personal guard. Not too happy about being listed second.
Landkreuzer P.1000 Ratte (incomplete)HP: 1980/2000 (Armor:
0/1000)
The thousand-ton monster here to crush your hopes and dreams.
The Tiger IIs are protecting the Ratte! Kill them first if you want to hit it.The Tiger IIs aim and fire!
They hit SubDaWoofer and Cybertails1998, dealing 2 damage to both! Cybertails however blocks with his mega umbrella, and SubDaWoofer tanks it with his rhino skin.The Ratte sees a glowing purple man who smells of weed even from 10 miles away, and decides to blast that stuff!
GrapeJellyToastMan catches the shells with both of his SHRONK PECTORAL MUSCLES, and they do nothing!!
PLAYERS:tber123:
3/3Twix:
1/3 [Flak Cannon active] [Shield HP: 3/3]Mr Queeba:
2/3Cybertails1998:
2/3 Big-ass umbrella 3/6NotBomberGuy:
3/3MoltenKitten:
3/3Space1255:
4/3 Clone health:
4/3Rabbot32:
2/3TristianLuigi:
3/3 cromartini:
2/3kidplasma:
3/3crazies alt:
2/3eboyblue10:
1/3 1/3 [Tactical Vest Equipped] Weaponized UCG's hatred
SubDaWoofer:
3/3Juncoph:
3/3CRITAWAKETS:
4/3Potatoh:
2/3Notorious B.I.G:
2/3 Hiding in fallout shelter
GrapeJellyToastMan:
SHRONK-man (2 turns remaining)Man of Greenish:
3/3}]Crazy[{:
eaten by his altSomemong:
1/3Nix the Glaceon:
2/3Redconer:
4/3JamesH:
1/3 Microsoft EDGE:
3/3Pngu12970:
3/3Deoxys And One Noob:
kablammoGojira:
3/3crazies alt:
2/3Rigel:
2/3ZeUberMedic:
2/3 Malleo100:
3/3TableSalt:
instructions unclear, feet caught in flying sawblades RNJesus' blessing! 1 becomes 5 (2 turns remaining)Just M2:
2/3shinyarceus4:
2/3Clownfish:
3/3ALLIES:Engineer:
3/3Mark. V Heavy:
3/3Daemon Prince:
3/3M2’s Howitzer:
3/3ZeUberMedic's BIG Howitzer:
3/3Twix's Rototank:
3/3KV-2:
Destroyed by the PrecursorBUILDINGS:Amazon Prime TerminalTM:
3/3CRIT's Fortress:
3/3Mobile Command Center: 14/14
Notorious B.I.G's Shelter: 10/10
GrapeJellyToastMan's Compound: Destroyed by the Precursor
CRITAWAKET's P.S.V: freaking blammed itself