The Deal: Revisited [History Repeats Itself]

[tber123]

Jack off

> JACK OFF

I don't know how to "jack off". That's not a verb I recognize.

cough up the cookie dough you ate earlier

>COUGH UP ACTUAL COOKIE DOUGH

Taking the demands literally, you start to cough out some cookie dough onto the floor that you ate earlier. The mobsters are not amused.

The mobster says: "You think you're funny? Ok, let's try again. Gimme your money."

Do what he said, but keep your arms near the spoon and pepper spray incase of a fight.

> GIVE WALLET

You hand over your wallet while discreetly keeping your hands near your pockets, ready to start pepper spraying people if things go south. Fortunately, the mobsters are content with only stealing your lunch money, and currently do not wish to blow your brains out all over the floor. After emptying out all the money in your wallet, the mobsters hand it back to you.

> GO UP STAIRS

You are now on the second floor, and in the room right outside the Don's office. Four heavily armed mobsters are sitting on a couch watching a Uwe Boll film. You hear the Don screaming up a storm while violently banging on a table in the next room. Seems like another underling has failed him, and that guy is going to be "hanging around" in town... If you know what I mean.

> _

You are carrying a briefcase full of drugs, a smartphone, a wallet with no money, several paper clips, pepper spray, and a metal spoon.

You are wearing regular civilian clothes that make you look like an average guy. Except for the bowler hat, though. Not too many civilians in this area wear bowler hats.

You are slightly injured, but otherwise mostly fine.

[Ad Bot]

[GrapeJellyToastMan]

Masturbate

[tber123]

Masturbate

> MASTURBATE

Are you serious? Like, are you seriously....?

> MASTURBATE

I mean really, are you sure you want to do that? That'll get you on the love Offender Registry, and nobody likes a love offender.

> MASTURBATE ALREADY FOR forgetS SAKE

Ok, fine. You vigorously start masturbating. The mobsters in the room are too busy cringing at the Uwe Boll film to notice you enjoying yourself. You suddenly hear a gunshot in the next room, followed by a loud THUD. You can infer that the Don just executed another one of his own men. The Don suddenly starts shouting.

The Don yells: "WHERE THE HELL IS THAT GODDAMN COURIER?"

> _

You are carrying a briefcase full of drugs, a smartphone, a wallet with no money, several paper clips, pepper spray, and a metal spoon.

You are wearing regular civilian clothes that make you look like an average guy. Except for the bowler hat, though. Not too many civilians in this area wear bowler hats.

You are slightly injured, but otherwise mostly fine.

[Refticus]

waddle to the don with your richard still out

[cromartini]

kick down the doors to don's room and yell HERE I AM, while keeping your arms close to the pocket with stuff.

[tber123]

waddle to the don with your richard still out

> WADDLE WITH STYLE TO THE DON WITHOUT BOTHERING TO ZIP UP YOUR PANTS AND LEAVE YOUR snake FULLY EXPOSED

Good grief.

You do the most stylish waddle you can think of as you stroll into the Don's office. The Don stares dumbfounded at your junk for several seconds before he pulls out a massive pistol and starts shouting out homophobic slurs. You take a bullet between the legs, blowing off most of your groin. You collapse to the ground clutching what's left of your testicles before howling and writhing in agony, and then you painfully expire a few minutes later.

*** You have died. GAME OVER. ***

Turns out that offending the Don with your pants down wasn't the brightest idea after all.  Would you like to RESTART everything, RESTORE a saved game, or QUIT?

> RESTORE

kick down the doors to don's room and yell HERE I AM, while keeping your arms close to the pocket with stuff.

> KICK DOWN DOOR WHILE YELLING "HERE I AM" AND DELIVER PACKAGE WHILE KEEPING HANDS CLOSE TO YOUR POCKETS

You loudly kick the door down while shrieking "HERE I AM!". You manage to startle the Don into shooting you and take a massive bullet between the eyes, which blows your brain right out of it's skull and onto the wall behind you. You collapse to the floor in a heap.

*** You have died AGAIN. Game Over. ***

This is the second time you've died so far. RESTART, RESTORE, QUIT?

> RESTORE AGAIN

You are standing in the room next to the Don's office. Four mobsters are cringing at a Uwe Boll film. The Don is waiting for you to deliver his package.

> _

You are carrying a briefcase full of drugs, a smartphone, a wallet with no money, several paper clips, pepper spray, and a metal spoon.

You are wearing regular civilian clothes that make you look like an average guy. Except for the bowler hat, though. Not too many civilians in this area wear bowler hats.

You are slightly injured, but otherwise mostly fine.

[Potatoh]

Ask where the bathroom is

[tber123]

Ask where the bathroom is

> ASK WHERE THE BATHROOM IS

You ask where the bathroom is. The mobsters point downstairs.

> _

You are carrying a briefcase full of drugs, a smartphone, a wallet with no money, several paper clips, pepper spray, and a metal spoon.

You are wearing regular civilian clothes that make you look like an average guy. Except for the bowler hat, though. Not too many civilians in this area wear bowler hats.

You are slightly injured, but otherwise mostly fine.

[Just M2]

Knock on the don's door and tell him to let you in

[cromartini]

Keep your arms near your pockets incase the don gets pissed off again and shoots you.

[Refticus]

squat into don's office

[tber123]

Knock on the don's door and tell him to let you in

> KNOCK ON DOOR AND ASK TO BE LET IN

You knock on the door and ask to be let in. The Don gives you permission, and you open the door.

squat into don's office

Keep your arms near your pockets incase the don gets pissed off again and shoots you.

>SQUAT INTO THE DON'S OFFICE WHILE KEEPING YOUR ARMS NEAR YOUR POCKETS

Unleashing your inner Slavic powers that you had inside you all along, you squat your way into the Don's office while keeping your arms near your pockets. The Don, surprisingly enough, doesn't seem to care too much about the squatting, only asking you to stand up.

> STAND UP AND LOOK AROUND THE DON'S OFFICE

The Don's office is medium-size, with a table, chair, red carpet, and a window for viewing the outside world. On the walls are a bunch of violent photographs showing the untimely demise of the Don's rivals. A recently killed man lies next to your feet. The Don is accompanied by two oversized, ridiculously strong men acting as bodyguards, both of them wielding heavy machine guns or anti-materiel rifles. The Don himself is a quite large and tall man himself, with a piercing gaze that would intimidate even a badass. The Don glares at you.

The Don: "Where's my package?"

> _

You are carrying a briefcase full of drugs, a smartphone, a wallet with no money, several paper clips, pepper spray, and a metal spoon.

You are wearing regular civilian clothes that make you look like an average guy. Except for the bowler hat, though. Not too many civilians in this area wear bowler hats.

You are slightly injured, but otherwise mostly fine.

[cromartini]

reply with "here it is", and put the breifcase full of drugs on the table.

[tber123]

reply with "here it is", and put the breifcase full of drugs on the table.

>DELIVER BRIEFCASE

How is giving birth to a briefcase even possible?

> TAKE OUT BRIEFCASE AND PUT IT ON THE TABLE

With a confident reply of "Here it is", you put the briefcase full of drugs on the Don's table, spin it around, and open it. The Don thanks you for your time and rewards you with a fat stack of dollars.

You hear strange noises in the direction of the Don's window that seem to be coming from outside. You also think you see a laser dot over the top of the Don's head for a split second, but you could be hallucinating.

> _

You are carrying a smartphone, a wallet with tons of money, several paper clips, pepper spray, and a metal spoon.

You are wearing regular civilian clothes that make you look like an average guy. Except for the bowler hat, though. Not too many civilians in this area wear bowler hats.

You are slightly injured, but otherwise mostly fine.

[CRITAWAKETS]

Run away. You dont want the mafia to think you shot the don.