> CHECK FOR LOOT ON BODIES QUICKLYYou see:
A rubber ducky.
$200 worth in cash from all the corpses combined.
A newspaper article about President Rush and Vladimir Putin having a meeting in Russia.
A journal with disturbing ranting about the fourth wall, alternate universes, and the possibility of the universe you currently live in being a crossover with another universe.
Three Iphones.
Cocaine.
A picture of some guy's wife and kids.
A manual for building a flare minigun.
A flyer informing potential tourists about the newly opened Zombie Kingdom.
A letter to some guy's son.> LOOT $200, RUBBER DUCKY, FLARE MINIGUN MANUALDone.> ASK WHAT THE FINE IS FOR VIOLATING COPYRIGHT"Several hundred thousand dollars!" The clowns and lawyers respond in unison.> USE FLARE MINIGUNYou do not have the parts to assemble a flare minigun, and you do not have a working flare minigun that actually exists.> CALM DOWN EVERYONE WITH THE RUBBER DUCKYYou honk the rubber duck. Everyone slightly calms down, but they're still pissed.> APOLOGIZEYou apologize for accidentally using the Super Secret Clown Summoning Ritual™ and promise to not do it again.
"You still gotta empty your pockets and pay the fine. We're feeling generous, so we'll lower it to a thousand bucks."> PULL OUT A REAL GUN AND OPEN FIREYou reach into your back and start pulling out your trusty plasma rifle... But then you realize that you left it in the car.> RUN FOR THE CARYou turn around and bolt for the car, causing the clowns and lawyers to give chase. You make it to the car.> GET GUNS BACK AND THEN OPEN FIREYou open the car doors, grab your weapons, whip around, and empty them into the mass of clowns and lawyers, killing several of them. The survivors start running back to where they came from, screaming and crying.> GO BACK TO SECURITY BOOTHYou go back to the security booth. The security guard is still gone.> LOOK AT FLARE MINIGUN MANUALThere is some really technical stuff that you don't understand on the first few pages. Luckily, however, the very last page offers an easier method for getting yourself a flare minigun: Order an official MetaTech Flare Conversion Kit, apply it to a regular minigun, and viola!
Too bad you don't already have a minigun, though.> WHERE THE forget ARE OUR COMPANIONS AND WHAT TIME IS ITYou have no idea what time it is because of the dark clouds blocking the entire sky. You also don't know where your companions are. Surely they're in trouble and need your help. Maybe.> STASH GUNS BACK IN CARDone.> HEAD INTO RETIREMENT HOMEYou find yourself in the front foyer of the retirement home. A few senior citizens are around you, walking to their rooms. The foyer is very loving fancy like everything else in the retirement home. You see a nearby map on a bulletin board, showing the layout of the entire building.
The ground floor contains the foyer, a few nursing rooms, some storage closets, a chapel, patio, kitchen, medical services area, sunroom, another patio, swimming pool, golf course, gym, security office, laundry room, and a dining room.
Everything above the ground floor is mostly just rooms for the elderly to live in. The entire building is four stories tall. You're not sure why a retirement home has to be so fancy and massive.> _
Your inventory contains a silver, expandable entrepreneur staff, phone, hammer, some string, a magnet, a magazine called The Manly Man's Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse, a movie poster for BRUTALITY, an article about Protagonist Syndrome, a wallet with at least a thousand dollars, a manual for building a flare minigun, a rubber ducky, and a nuclear authentication disk.
You are wearing regular civilian clothes that make you look like an average guy, a Rolex watch, and a gas mask.
You are badly wounded. Everything is wet and cold from the heavy rain. You might catch a cold later on.
>
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