My snake is bleeding!

[Madmitten]

Holy stuff, nice job ex lax :D
If you are seriously pissing blood, i would just keep the bandages on, if it happens again then i would suggest going to the hospital.
Also,
After it heals and its all scabby, don't get a boner, that stuff gonna hurt!
Why weren't you using your hand? So much easier, i currently don't have a jar big enough in my house that has a constant shape, so no flesh lights for me, thank god :3

do you know how hard it is to not get a boner when going through puberty?
he is probably gonna get one when the doc is examining

[Ad Bot]

[SupremeCommander]

How about instead you go see a loving doctor?

I'd make up some viable excuse as to how I cut my richard with glass.

I'd probably say something like this:

"I ate tuna before taking a shower, and I set the jar up on a shelf. When I got out of the shower, I slipped on something, and my hand hit the jar as I was falling, and it landed on my richard and shattered."

This way, the embarrasment of masturbating is gone.

Would you believe that?
Really?

"I thrusted to try and catch the jar and it shattered and razored my snake!!!"

[SupremeCommander]

do you know how hard it is to not get a boner when going through puberty?
he is probably gonna get one when the doc is examining

Precisely why I never let a doctor take a look down there.
It is just far too awkward.

If its a gash, and if he does it right, keeps it sterile and lets it scab over, it should be okay.
Seeing as he left suddenly, he's probably gone to a doctor. At least he will be commended for doing the right thing in regards to hygiene and immediate damage control.

[Deathwishez]

Would you believe that?
Really?

I don't see much wrong with it. You're naturally naked, so you don't have to say something like "I got bored so I thought it would be funny if I walked around the house naked, and I broke a jar", "I felt like masturbating with a jar", or "The dog tried to rape my, he ripped my pants and underwear off, and I threw a jar at him"

[Otis Da HousKat]

A doctor doesn't care if you cut your snake jerking off. They've seen worse. If for some reason they tell someone else about what happened that you can be identified sue them if you want.

[SupremeCommander]

A doctor doesn't care if you cut your snake jerking off. They've seen worse. If for some reason they tell someone else about what happened that you can be identified sue them if you want.

True.

ED immortalized an incident when a kid was 'exploring himself' with an old highlighter and got it lodged in his ass, unable to even stuff it out.
Perfect example of good use of the Canadian healthcare system - got it removed for free.

[Deathwishez]

A doctor doesn't care if you cut your snake jerking off. They've seen worse. If for some reason they tell someone else about what happened that you can be identified sue them if you want.

I'm aware of that, but we all have that gut feeling of pride that we must keep. I'm sure he doesn't want to tell a doctor that, even though they have seen worse, so I tried giving him an easier way out.

Either way, you should see a doctor. They know best.

[snugglebear212]

well if your snake is bleeding i would go to the doctor cause if your snake gets infected you will have to go to the doctor and it would be more awkward to go to the doc and have him cut your green richard off.

[Deathwishez]

I bet if the cut was deep he's gonna have a crooked snake.

Maybe he'll turn out like "The New Guy".

[snugglebear212]

you could get dental floss and a needle, and try sewing it back up.

drink whiskey before you do.

[Madmitten]

you could get dental floss and a needle, and try sewing it back up.

drink whiskey before you do.

no
bad idea
and he is too young to drink whiskey

[Squideey]

So telling your parents about cutting your snake is worse then having it plastered all over a place that hundreds of people can read?

[zookuw]

Salt stops bleeding.
That and lemon juice.

anyways are you Pemo?

[Rughugger]

For a second I thought he got the Don Heartzfeldt reference wrong. :/

[Riot]

 God damn it, tell your parents you used a jar to jack off and you cut your self.
 
  He stopped posting, probably died. Or fainted from seeing blood come out of his snake.