I seriously contemplated killing my Morningstar/Taciturn (my brother). It's been years since the night I tried to strangle him twice, and after that my own determination to be a good brother and a good person, and his own maturing, created a strong bond. But after years of him being my best friend I learned that the person I loved was a facade hiding a worm. I don't handle betrayal well it seems. So yeah, I listened to Hey Joe a hundred times and learning that Panama doesn't do extradition I gave serious consideration to putting a knife between his fourth and fifth ribs while he slept and driving off into the middle of nowhere to lie low. In fact, one of my reasons for typing all of this out is so that my plan is known and hopefully the knowledge that such a murder would be irreversibly linked to me will act as an added layer of protection against actually doing it.
I felt like I was on the brink of losing my scholarship
(full ride to UMass Dartmouth) because my first semester wasn't so hot as determined by the scholarship's criteria and I wasn't sure that my grades would suffice. Turns out they did and more, so I can sleep easy again.
I spent four and a half, five months, chasing a chimera in my head, something I intellectually knew I could and would not do, but emotionally I wanted it anyway. Stupid. Well, I think I'm kind of over it now, or at least the impossibility of the chimera is once and for all set in stone and time has passed, so, we'll see.
Half of my friends' folks think that the other half of my friends are crazy bad influences or something, so while I'm a wreck over my brother I can't seem to get a good group together to go do stuff.
I've been spending increasing amounts of time alone in the woods and for the first time in a dog's age I just drove around and screamed as loud as I could with my windows up just to vent. Does the trick. Anyhow, that's about all that's gone wrong that I've a mind to let loose.
Some of you have expressed your concerns about my mental stability based on this post. Some of you have expressed your concern for my brother's well being by telling him to lock his door at night, or saying that I'm psychotic. Given the world we live in, this is understandable.
Before you go and quote this to prove to someone that my advice is unsound, or that I'm psychotic, or that I'm just plain a bad person, please consider my words on this matter since I first posted this:
123I hope that that's assuaged some of your concern.
Thank you.